out and about

Can I sum up my week?
I know I'm getting lazier day by day when it comes to writing a new post.

I started new ward last week. There are a lot of patients, but all of them are manageable. Plus, I have 4 other colleagues who are sekepala and rajin2 belaka. Thank God! Other than that, the MOs here are better... I suppose...

I went for clinic on Wednesday, and thank God again, it wasnt busy. And I had to see those who were ex-prem/G6PD deficient/asthma. Which were the kacang-est cases ever.

My last call for this month was on Thursday, which was a passive call. I was free up till 11pm. Then I had few stupid reviews from Mat Ward, 1 LSCS, 1 TMSL and few vacuums. Thank God again, none of them were 'flat' upon delivery. I'm glad to know one of my ex-colleague is now an MO, I think she's one of the best HO I ever work with during my HO-ship in O&G. I like those HOs yang tetap merendah diri dan keen to teach walaupun dah very senior, instead of those yang mentang2 dah senior, suka mengarah orang, tak mau dengar cakap orang dan suka curi tulang. Belum jadi MO sudah tunjuk belang.

This week, there were few birthdays. Roque's and Mamat's on the 22nd, and Kak Pah's on the 25th. HEPI BEDAY!!

This weekend, I got to hang out with few colleagues and bergosip sampai muntah darah. BURP! We're all agreed, its time for the underclass HOs to get together and membenteras jenayah kot putih. Ini termasuk:
1. belajar cara mengampu dan mengipas buntut.
2. belajar menggunakan high heel 24jam dan becoming flirtitious.
3. belajar mengontrol air muka dan senyum 24jam.

I managed to finish work early today. Paid my RM 2k credit card bill, bought a one pound chocolate cake, fill the car tank, bought a new battery for my Swatchie, and arrived home around 12.35pm..

And I managed to watch Hafiz AF7 performing (although its a repeat). Jum Undi Hafiz. Persetankan orang lain. Its time for Malaysian to be less bias and judge others from their talent and not by their look.

Hampas

I dont mind working.
I dont mind the workload.

But I cant work in an environment, where little mistakes, and even a facial expression is being criticized.

We had an assessment the other day, and guess what? Mine was, "Awak suka buat muka la..."

Yeah, bull&#$@ rite?Whatever, aku memang sangat expressive.

The thing about working in this dept is, you work in fear. You dont really enjoy working. Unlike in previous department, although I'm damn busy, but I do fine enjoyment in what I do.

Memang la susah time tu. Kene handle difficult mothers, and sometimes had to deal with annoying colleagues. But, one thing I like about that place is, bila aku buat salah, diorang tegur elok2 and betul2. They are not generous with compliments, thats fine. I dont need them.

Tapi kat sini, pujian tidak ada nilai. Manis depan, di belakang kutuk2 bagai nak rak. Yang lebih bodoh lagi, kadang2 suka suruh buat kerja yang sia2.

Contohnya, pergi hantar blood and suruh tunggu kat lab to get the result. Helllloooo... no matter betapa urgent pun kau suruh lab technician buat, it will still takes some time. Daripada aku dok melangut kat lab waiting for result, aku ada lebih banyak bende lain yang boleh disetelkan. After all, whats the purpose of waiting, when you can always pick up the phone and trace the result through phone call....

And for someone who has been working (as the claimed) in the hospital for quite some time, do you know that there's no such thing as BOOKING BLOOD?? You either take it or leave it...

And patient tak kan mati kalo aku terlambat tulis history dalam clerking sheet...

And aku paling benci kalau salah sikit jek, diorang akan gelak dan ungkit sampai mati.. Of course aku tak kisah, pahala korang dapat kat aku. Tapi, apa sangatlah keenakan yang diorang dapat dari mengungkit dan gelakkan kesalahan orang lain. As if they never made any mistake before meh? Korang ingat aku tak gelak sakan dalam hati bila specialist sound korang...

Yang lebih menyedihkan, they are only few of them. Diorang tak tau berapa puluh HO yang pernah keje ngan diorang kutuk pulak pasal diorang kat belakang diorang... And HOs spread all over the hospitals, imagine the kind of reputation they get outside the hospital. No wonder most of them are 'andalusia'..

This is pathetic. For a person who's working towards the bettermentof others' quality of life, I had to hear the phrase "kene bunuh dengan bos" or "I'll kill you" every day. Adakah aku tengah dealing with Along? Yang hari2 kejar dengan parang kat belakang aku???

Yeah, the reason housemen are criticized, partly due to the lack of knowledge we had. But, on the other side, its also due to the lack of GOOD guidance and teaching from our superiors. We work in fear.. The result is frustrations, stress and anger la..

Imagine me working in oversea dulu.. Kene tegur standard la. But at least they respect and help me. They dont mind kalo aku balik awal lepas habis sume keje. Interns dont have to come early in the morning to do review. We do reviews together. Macam kawan aku yang keje Dr Durkan dulu. Diorang just sit in her office and review patients beramai2. Lepas tu baru buat round. In conclusive, that avoid redudancy dan jimat kertas and at the same time, Specialist know about the patients better, dan yang pastinya, takde la menatang2 seperti KIV. Round habis awal,dan lepas tu terus start buat kerja yang disuruh. Masa aku buat Medical, pukul 3,4 dah habis keje.

Dan yang pastinya, SHO dan Reg aku sangat la baik. Itu orang Irish tu. Orang Barat yang kononnya takde budi pekerti or nilai2 murni macam masyarakat timur. Kalau aku tak dapat cannulate my patient, atau tak berjaya dapatkan scan appointment diorang akan tolong aku. Dengan syarat aku dah mencuba sehabis payah la. Bukan macam sini, kalau tak dapat, habisla kene sound. Praktikal tak pandai la..itu la..ini la.. My Irish consultant even backed me up masa aku kene sound by one cocky Plastic Surgeon. And eveytime after round, we'll sit down at the cafe, and dia akan belanja the team tea/coffee. And dia pernah mintak maaf sebab tersalah tegur aku, yang rupanya salah orang lain. Masa aku buat Surgery pun, consultant aku best jugak. Contohnya, aku pernah kene marah ngan patient, bos aku back me up beb. Kalo kat sini? Hampeh la...

Orthopaedic tak yah cakap la. Bos aku tu, memang 200% the nicest consultant ever. Kerja dengan dia aku memang happy tahap gila. Aku tak kisah kene bangun awal sebab kene amik bas pergi hospital. Masa tu, aku memang minat orthopaedic giler. Masa tu aku pangkat SHO (MO). Masuk OT dua kali seminggu. Dah boleh buat hip surgery tutup mata dah. Kat klinik kadang2 sampai 60-70 patients. Aku boleh buat decision sendiri sama ada nak discharge patient ke, nak decide for surgery ke, conservative management ke.. Dia sangat cool, walaupun dah berumur 60an, dia masih boleh challenge aku main game Bubble dalam PDA kitorang.
Aku ingat lagi kata2 bos aku (Mr Gilmore) bila aku dah nak blah, "Always remember your orthopaedic no matter what major you'll do. And if you want to go ahead with orthopaedic, let me know. I'll write a recommendation letter for you.."

Kat sini? Hampas la yang ko dapat...

Despite being orang timur, kita sebenarnya busuk hati dengan orang lain. Kita puji orang semata2 nak dapatkan sesuatu. Kita marah orang sebab orang tu dah ada reputasi yang buruk, walaupun masa tu dia tak salah. Kita susahkan orang sebab kita menyampah tengok dia. Kita berlagak macam orang besar cuma sebab kita dah 4,5 tahun lebih senior...

block 2 phase 2

My senior asked me, "So, what do you think of Onco?"
My answer was, "It's like being thrown into another planet."

In other word, I'm totally, utterly LOST.

What the hell do I know about all this chemotherapy protocols and regimes and bla bla bla..And all this different types of cells and the cancer they represents. And again, calculations..calculations...calculations...

Hey, the reason why I dont do engineering is because I hate Math. Yada..yada..yada... My Add Math and Physic scores were better than my Biology's.. so what?

And aku naik menyampah dengan budak2 yang pantang nak tengok tangan sket, terus menangis melalak macam dunia nak kiamat. Luckily their mothers are with them, kalo tak seriusly aku dah lama tampar kasik diam. Sori la, bukan aku tak kiddy-friendly, tapi, aku memang anti dengan budak2 congek nih...

I havent yet 'killed' by my Sp. Today, such as 'sui' day, as I heard the term "kene bunuh" like more than 10 times today. So aku mati2 takut 'kene bunuh' gak..Ahahaha...

Gelak..gelak...esok aku kene la tu...

Killing me softly.

Went to McD with my brothers yesterday.

The thought came to me, upon seeing one couple sitting in front of us. The guy was smoking away, while the girl was happily having her Big Mac.

10 ways to kill your girlfriend, indirectly.

1. Smoke in front of her, causing her to get lung ca.
2. Buy her super fatty, cholesterolific (is there such term??) dinner, and she'll end up having atherosclerosis and heart disease.
3. Drive your car at torque speed, causing her to get whiplash injury when you suddenly hit the break, and she'll end up paralysed and incontinence.
4. Date someone else in front of her, so she'll jump to suicide, or die due to depression/jealousy.
5. Play your hi-fi at the highest volume, so she'll burst her eardrums causing severe internal bleed and then haemorrhagic shock.
6. Refuse to help her carry her stuff while shopping, causing severe osteoarthritis leading to septic arthritis.
7. Use her money to pay your Along, and she end up becoming poor and die due to fear.
8. Becoming homosexual, and she end up being a childless woman and at high risk of endometrial ca.
9. Keep complaining of her skinny body being still too fat, causing her to become bulimic/anorexic and then die due to malnourishment.
10. Brag too much about yourself, till she puked too death due to severe Mallory Weiss tear.
    

lagi lagi kerja

And so, I've finished tagging.

Officially a Paeds HO. Unprepared, lack of knowledge, unmotivated..and most of the time, 'hentam saja la labu..' attitude.

Not in the mood to impress my Sp. The reason being he's a sweaty fat mean narcissictic.. You know that type, the one that makes you retched and puked all your food the moment he open his mouth... yessss....

I dont even know why he's a paediatrician. First of all, he wont even touch the baby. And yet he bising2 when one of the HO doesnt even know how to wipe baby's bottom.. Do we look like the staff nurse, HELLO??

In UCHG, Prof Loftus even does the baby check, and plays with the babies while doing so. Yes, he's a lecturer as well... but a paediatrician is a paediatrician. Not a veterinarian. I dont care if you dont want to play with an iguana, but you dont treat a baby like a stinking kitten.

Then he bragged TOO MUCH. He doesnt even know how to manage the patient, and just leave it to the MOs to decide (and then criticizes their management). He doesnt teach and inspire the new doctors, instead made them abscond balik kampung. Budak A sampai sekarang tak balik keje, rasa2nya dah balik Semenanjung for good.

The bad thing about finishing tagging is, I'm gonna start on call as well. Which will be EOD, then EEOD, then break for 3 days, then EOD, then EEOD again. NICE... And a presentation on the 15th. And I'll be going up to Onco... which is the scariest place on EARTH.

Razi's oncall schedule is much better. His calls spread out nicely with 4,5 days in between. Yeah..yeah..just because he's an XY.

This is another slum of depression. The cure is, 2 pairs of shoes, same brand and pattern, but different colour, worth RM99 each pair. Somehow, I'm going to regret this... but maybe I'll regret later when the credit card bill arrives...

Oh ya, I've done NRP. Haha.. I dont 100% know how to manage AGE, and they expect me to resuscitate a baby?? Tough luck mothers out there. Make sure you're not in labour while I'm oncall. Its not because I dont know how to resuscitate, but I'm ectasized to intubate every baby I see, even if they're OK.

Oh, Bro L has been asking me what do I think of O&G MO, and whether any of them are nasty. Sure there is. Akak awan gelap. But I'll be stupid if I said yes right? His wife is the awan gelap...

I've seen the mothers in O&G, now I'm looking after their babies in SCBU. Few died, and most of them survived. I hope these babies will grow up well. Sigh..

Finally, to finish up, remember the wife of the ex-BF I told the other day? She delivered a week ago, and her baby was admitted to P2A for jaundice. And yes, after 9 years since high school, I've met my ex-BF again. He still looks the same i.e good looking, but unfortunately my spell unto him of premature baldness WORKS!

Taraa!!!

welcome to hell

Hi.

Currently D5 of life. In nursery.

First impression, its boring. Even Gynae ward is more interesting.
Babies in nursery arent cute. Because they are damn skinny and fragile due to prematurity. Yellowish, not cherry pink, due to jaundice. Pale due to sepsis. Bloated due to ventilation and IVD.
Taking blood is hell. Not because its hard, but because they cried and its annoying to your eardrums. And because they are 'sensitized' to blood-taking, so if you dont bundle-wrapped them, they'llkicked your hand in the middle of the procedure.
Most MOs ignored newbies i.e me.
Because I'm ex-O&G HO, they're somehow despise me. Keep saying "this is not O&G, you're a doctor, not an informer or a clerk...bla..bla...bla..." BUHSAN.
Paeds are medicine for kids. I hate medicine.
Too many calculations. From fluid replacement to ventilation rate.
A 400 pages of protocol to read.
Expect you to manage but didnt teach you. Again, expect me to read a 400 pages of protocol (YAWN).

I'll continue again later..

de-press-ed @ ditekan

Around 2pm, I had a sudden surge of depression.

You should know how depression felt like. You felt empty, alone, unsatisfied, sad and all the blacks and greys in the world. DEPRESSION.

I called Izah, wanting to hang out and just listen to her ramblings, but apparently she's still LNG-ing in Bintulu. Tough.
Others are still working. Great, today is Monday, duhh...
Ann is away in KL, Nina in NZ and Amar in Aussie. Useless..hehehe...
My brother already went back to his site in Sadong Jaya, and sis had to bring her 2 kids home for a while, because Pak Lah suruh balik. Nice....

And my attempts to shop online were unsuccessful due to my super secure CIMB credit cards. Ceh..

I tried taking an afternoon nap, tapi mata tak mau lelap cause my heart palpitates with worriness. I tried watching Jdorama, but somehow aku ter-reminisced my Japanese trip and how FREE and HAPPY I was at that time, I became more depressed. So, I end up jalan2 seorang diri and shop till my shoulders hurt from carrying stuff I bought, which are mostly crap. Toiletries, writing utensils, cards, socks....

I became more depressed since I cant find the stuff I want, for example a nice pair of shoe that is comfy for my hallux valgus, and formal blouses for work with, of course, 70% discount...sigh..

Esok keje lagi. Start tagging, start working at a new dept all over again, start knowing people and making friends, start knowing my seniors and sapa kawan, sapa lawan... ARGHHH!!!