Xmas chaos

Just like how we M'sian Muslim got psyche over Eid..it's the same way the Irish Christian got mad over Xmas.

The wards are so quiet. One ward was even closed because they're short of nursing staff (good news for intern oncall!). There's massive Xmas ornaments everywhere, and some of them gets into your face(no, I'm not short, they were hung low). Boxes of chocolates, Xmas cards, bottles of wine and hundreds other goodies lying around in the wards. Everywhre looks a bit messy, especially when Ethel is not around. On Friday, there's party everywhere.. the lab party, the physio party, the OT party...and I saw Dr Clarke rushing to every one of them..hmmm...

Anyway, we're down to 3 patients today. And Durkan has none (clap clap..you have 5 tonight..ahaha). Carol and Colin rushed home early today, they went home at 10.30am. Besides one annoying request to talk to family member, nothing else major happened. I managed to sleep from 2-5pm..

The daughter of one of my patient was pretty frustrated. Well, I can imagine how she felt. Her mum has been in for 3 weeks for diarrhoea. No infective nor organic cause was found. And yeah, we've ruled out the famous congestive enteropathy. Today CT TAP showed no abscess. We thought it might be a pancreatic abscess..the fact that she previously had CBD stricture(which was stented and biopsies were normal), malabsorbed and diarrhoeic (relieved with Questran). And so, she cant go home for Xmas. And the family cant celebrate Xmas happily, the fact that the mother is in the hospital. The daughter has been trying to speak to one of the senior member of the team..and she even brought her cousin who is a gastroenterologist! So, who am I to speak to him? Anyway, I did tried my best, and the daughter kept cutting in. Finally she said, "This is so frustrating. Imagine, she is your mother..". And so I said, "Yes, I can imagine how you felt. My father had a pancreatic abscess, and he had to be operated."

And only then she shut her mouth up!

I had lots of preliminary goodbye hugs. From Elaine the physiotherapist; Theresa, St John's ward clerk (Eka gonna hate me); Carol; Breege, the student nurse; Laura and Kevin, the surgical intern (Kevin's gay, so dont worry Say); and my good friend Andrea the ECG technician...

I'm on for Xmas. And luckily, the nursing staff on for Xmas are the kewl people I like. Hope its not too busy/difficult. This Saturday, I'm driving back to Galway, need to pack my stuff. Dont worry Say, I wont drive to fast...between 60 to 110...I think I'll do 90 (considering its going to be frosty)..

xxMUAHxx

Merry Xmas..hohohohehehahah!

suck it up

Suck it up Marisa. And deal with it.

Everything.

Betrayal. Hatred. Disapointment. Loneliness. Winter. Sickness. Cold.

Isn't this great? Life is full of colour :)

Do please note the sarcasm.

syncope

I fainted yesterday.

Haha. Funny isnt it. Yesterday was supposed to be my last day of work before flying back to Msia for my annual leave.

But, I fainted during the grand round. Luckily I sat at the back, so, I didnt create any big havoc. Tapi, sedap jugak la kena tampar ngan Dr Ahmad. And kesian gak ngan Dr Maher sebab kena angkat aku yang berat nak mampus nih. Ehehe. And Fais yang cuak2 nak amik darah aku..wooo..boleh tahan besar jarum ko Fais!

So, terpaksa la aku masuk casualty. Dr Clarke pulak lalu kat area tu, maybe dia curious, apa dah jadik ngan intern aku nih. Lepas tu dia cakap, " Pity you. We've overworked you. Lets check the blood, if it's OK, I'll let you get the day off before you fly tomorrow." Dalam hati, YEAY!!!

So, everything was fine. Bloods, ECG, CXR. Just pyrexic. Memang tengah demam pun.

And so, I was happily discharge by Dr Safwat. My diagnosis (concluded by me own...) ialah, vasovagal syncope secondary to dehydration and pyrexia secondary to winter vomiting disease....

Hahaha..jangan kasi tau sesaper..nanti aku tak dapat fly kalo kene kuarantin!!!!

i need something

I'm so crap.

I realised that I'm 24, and I'm crap.

I have achieved nothing. I'm just a plain medical intern. No great history. No trademarks. No experience that actually WOW anybody. No achievement that worth praising. I dont know how to play any music instrument. And it's too late (and too bothersome) to start now. My grammar is crap and my imagination is bad. I cant write a novel or book or even a diary. I'm not good looking. And I'm just a toilet-artist. I dont have cool new gadget, or even any modern tech knowledge. I cant even work around Photoshop. Even as a doctor, I feel that I'm just like a slave. I dont have a KEWL social life.

Hmm.

All around me, people actually achieved something. A PhD in Music. A trip all over the world. Meeting famous people. Won a writing competition. Becoming a top-paid model. Performed central venous line. Got married and have children. Own a cool photoblog. Go to concerts. Performing on stage.

Envious.

Me? Owh... nothing. I'm so down to earth. 6 feet under.....

I'm 24

Hi. I'm Marisa. And I'm 24 today.

I told Breeda, one of St Jose's nurse. And is she LOUD??!! She announced it to the other nurses...to my team as well!

Terkejut SHO and Reg aku. Nyehehe. Bos aku ucapkan selamat hari jadi kat aku. Frankly speaking, that was our longest conversation. Tanya aku dok mana...balik malam2 pakai apa...bla bla. Takpe bos, aku janji aku balik 12pm sharp ini malam. NO MORE OT!

Oh, Jumaat ni ada team dinner. Takut plak, coz bos gurau2 nak blanja aku 'minum'. Haha. Siap suruh aku wat jahat banyak2 pastu baru best taubat. Pandai la ko bos. Bos aku 39. Colin 31. Carol 25. Hmm. Bos aku cakap, masa dia 24 pun, dia intern lagi. Kewl.

Oh ye, aku oncall ini malam. Sabtu ni tak sabar aku nak blah Galway. Seb baik Oisin sudi tukar oncall ngan aku. Kalo tak, penat gak kene oncall dua hari next week.

Ok la. Selamat hari jadi to me. Biasa for the last 5 years, time macam ni mesti aku tengah lepak ngan housemate depan TV after dinner, sambil menerima hadiah hari jadi (hint hint). Tahun ni, dok kat ward station tengok blood result or letak cannula. Dinner pun tak lagi. Nampak sangat dah tua......

save the kids

Tak faham betul!

I'm so mad! Geram sangat2!!!!

Apa dah jadik kat Msia? Why are they behaving like animal?? What is going through this people head??

It's no longer safe to live in Msia. Luckily I was born 23 years ago, or else, as a girl, I would be very scared to live in Msia. Either to be left alone in my own house or even to go out to the kedai runcit. Man are behaving like animals. They see kids as delicacies. These man raped, sodomised then killed these kids. Apa nilai nyawa? Mana pergi sifat kemanusiaan?? What do they see in these kids, that they even have such disturbing desire??? Tak kesian ke dengan parents yang penat2 belai, didik dan jaga anak2 diorang tu? Bukan seorang dua. More and more cases in the news lately. The more the government warned about it, the more actions that had been taken to prevent it, THE MORE IT HAPPENED!

Ini la yang jadik bila tak ada panduan agama. Bila gila bergelumang dengan dadah, arak dan seks bebas. Gila. Gila. Buat malu bangsa dan agama. Paling mengejutkan, in USA and UK, there's paedophilia-like RPG video games! Where gamers can actually stripped and do whatever mental-crazy-psycho thing they want with the 'children' in the games!!! SICK!!!

For me, these people should be hanged to death. Hidup tak guna, menyusahkan masyarakat. Entah2 kalo ada anak, anak sendiri pun dia salahguna pakai!!!

ARGHH!!!

Astaghfirullah....

29-4

I love this week.

Monday is bank holiday.
I've no oncall during weekdays.
Dr Clarke's away.
Dr Sham's covering.
I lost another kilo.
Wednesday was pay day.
Colin made a prank joke on me...but he's cute when he laughed/smiled, so it's OK.
Me and Kevin are oncall this weekend. He's big fun!
Got text from Pey Seei..she's coming to Ballinasloe next weekend!
I called Izah. MISS YOU!
Me and Rafli got back together :)

future

I think I need to start thinking about my future.

I need to know what I want to specialize in. I need to know (first) what I like. Which is not easy. Cause somehow, medicine isn't as simple as just being a doctor. You are either a heart doctor, mental doctor, kidney doctor, family doctor... (layman's language larrr)

Maybe, gastro would be nice. But there's a hell lot of gastro specialist in Msia. Cardio, resp, and geriatric is definitely a no-no. Neither are dermato, infectious disease (if there is any!), onco or haemato! Surgery? 50-50. So, I'm down to either gastroenterology or nephrology. Or just general medicine...ahahaha!

And I have to think about having my own family...hmmm.....cause nowadays, I cant stop smiling looking at other people kids! ARGH!!! Well...better than looking at other women's husband..eheheh!

Peace

hero

I saved my patient's life.

Around 1830 yesterday, macam biasa, I checked all the blood results. One of my patient's troponin came back as 0.6!!! (The first troponin was negative) DAMN! Cepat2 aku pegi jumpa patient tu, and asked him does he has any chest pain etc etc. Dia basically OK jek, except for dull, mild pain over the epigastrium area. He had USS Abd few hours before and it was fine. So, I did an ECG on him. Guess what?! Acute changes -> ST elevation 2mm in lead II, III and AvF. As well as TWI in lead III.

MI beb!!!!

So I spoke to the MROC (the nice and soft spoken Dr Khalid), and he asked me to start the patient on aspirin, clopidogrel, enoxaparin and metoprolol. And try to get a telemetry on that patient.

When he reviewed the ECG (2 hours later), he came to the ICU to see me, and with a big sigh he said, "Marisa, that ECG showed acute changes. Definitely MI. Will you repeat another ECG for me, because I may want to thrombolyse him". Okie doc!!

So, I did another ECG on the patient. Same ST elevation in inferior leads, no changes except I think the TWI has resolved. So, that patient (which is Dr Clarke's patient), transferred to ICU last night and was thrombolysed. Hooray!

Rasa cam hero penyelamat dunia seantero plak :)

carcinoma

Terasa malas nak keje.

Suprisingly, this week on take, we've lots of patients with newly diagnosed carcinoma. 62 years old lady, came in with obstructive jaundice with mass in portal/gall bladder fossa. Diagnose? Query pancreatic head ca. Need laparoscopy and biopsy. Coincidently, next bed to her, is another lady, already diagnosed of pancreatic ca and is currently on chemo. Good news though, as her repeat CT abd showed shrinkage of pancreatic mass and no sign if mets. Green light for resection.

Another patient, 72 years old lady, came in with pleuritic chest pain. CTPA showed pulmonary embolism and is currently treated for it. At the same time, she has mutliple vertebral fracture and on examination (missed by the SHO oncall) by my Reg, revealed a left breast lump, tethering to skin. Require referral to UCHG under Prof Kerin for breast ca assessment.

One gentleman, has tracheal deviation and hoarseness on examination. Highly suspicious of thyroid ca. CT thorax reported massive retrosternal goitre, slightly obstructing the oesophagus. Hmm...

Point I'm making is....THE IMPORTANCE OF GOOD CLINICAL EXAMINATION.

Peace.

Ciao

sakit

Doctors get sick too.

I was down with terrible flu on Wednesday. Must be due to exposure to a mixture of pneumonia and TB cough (query TB, nasib baik patient tu negative AFB x 3). And I was on call on Wednesday.

On Thursday, I got really bad. I dunno what my temperature was at that time, tapi boleh la nak rebus telur bawah ketiak. Eheh.

On Friday, after the ward round, I asked Colin, whether I can go home or not. He said, what time, and why do I wanna go home. I just said, I'm sick. Really2 sick. Cant think, cant walk, cant breath sume la. Sakit sangat. Dia pun cakap, "Marisa, kalo dah sakit tu, jangan malu2. Cakap jek. Aku kasik hang balik punye la" Yang pastinya, dia cakap dalam English daa.

So, aku balik awal Jumaat tu. 11.30 aku dah cabut. Weekend aku kene oncall. Seksa woo Sabtu tu. Tapi, selepas 4 botol yogurt 3 papan panadol, 1 kotak besar jus oren dan 2 hari kantoi puasa...hari ni (Ahad) aku mampu la nak oncall...

Eheks...

NB apa dah jadik dgn Dr Clarke. 3 patient post ERCP dia sakit teruk this week. Sorang dapat post-ERCP pancreatitis, sorang turns out ada liver abscess, yang sorang lagi..just plain low pain threshold..ahaha.
Anyway, since aku tak pernah tulis something berilmiah, meh la aku kasi tau apa risk factor for post-ERCP pancreatitis.
1. Patient-dependent: obesity, previous pancreatitis, female, young
2. Procedure-dependent: more than 5 attempts of cannulation, injection of contrast into pancreatic duct, extravasation of contrast into pancreatic duct, difficult anatomy

Peace.

My apology

I knew something wasnt right when Colin said ,"Marisa, I need to talk to you about something. About Mary's transfer letter."

Turns out, my letter, which was at first addressed to Dr Fleming, read by Mr Kelly (plastic surgeon yang paling membencikan). And he wasnt happy with the letter...

My patient, Mary, has spastic quadriplegia secondary to MS. On admission, she has staph aureus septicaemia, faecal n urinary incontinence n extensive decubitus ulcer. In that letter, I mentioned that, she was seen by a plastic surgeon in UCHG, but there is no documented details on this. I was verbally told by the patient that they cant do skin graft on her ulcers at that time becaouse it was too deep. I supposed, this were the words that pissed Mr Kelly off.

So, he called Dr Clarke yesterday. He was angry that Dr Clarke's intern somehow wrote something which mencabar kredibiliti la kununnya. Although no name mentioned! So, Colin said, Dr Clarke called him, and wanted me to write an apology letter to Mr Kelly. Dr Clarke was angry as well..ehehe...mati aku. Nasib baik, hari Khamis Dr Clarke slalu takde.

So, yesterday, Colin helped me to type the apology letter. And he said before I send the letter, let Dr Clarke to see it first. He also said, he's partly to blame coz he did checked the transfer letter before it went through (3,4 kali la dia baca hari tu), but he didnt expect those words would flipped someone off.

Hari ni, Dr Clarke seems to be in good mood. Siap cakap beday dia Sabtu ni, dan takpela kalo tak kasik hadiah. Siap buat lawak jenaka ngan me personally. So, aku pun ingat, dia dah lupa kot kes Mr Kelly tu. Tak pasal2, jam 2.30pm, after aku wat EST for my patient, sampai jek kat St Joseph ward station tu, nampak la Carol borak2 ngan Colin. Dr Clarke plak dok depan kompuetr...TAIP MY APOLOGY LETTER!!!! FUIYO!!!!

Smart ah intisari surat tu. Aku siap cakap kat bos, memang bahasa cantik giler, nampak sangat bukan aku yang tulis. Dr Clarke cakap, dia memang tak puas hati ngan Mr Kelly. Sebab kecik nak marah. Dia cakap, it's OK, we write the letter, macam la kita sorry, tapi kita tak. Sebab kalo baca surat yang Clarke tulis, ada unsur2 sarcastic gak le. Its up to Mr Kelly to figure it out. Kalau dia tak puas hati, berdepan la ngan Clarke sendiri. Dia tanya aku, Ok ke surat tu? Ada yang tak puas hati ke tak? Nak tambah apa2? Sebab dia cakap jugak, aku semacam dibuli oleh Mr Kelly..dan cakap, kalau aku under MPS or MDU, mintak la advice diorang..hehehe. Ok dad..eh bos!

Lepas Dr Clarke blah, aku cakap ah kat Colin (ooo...aku dah bonding rapat ngan Colin skrg nih..abang ensem la katakan), "I thought Dr Clarke is going to be very mad at me.". Pastu dia senyum. Dia cakap "When Mr Kelly called him yesterday, he was very angry. He thought you might had written something that's so bad that Mr Kelly got so angry. But then, I printed out the transfer letter, and called him (Dr Clarke) back and told him what you wrote in the letter. It turned out, it was just a little thing. And his anger just simply cooled off. He's not happy with Mr Kelly as well. It's not entirely your fault, because you just said what the patient told you." HEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...

So kanak2, pengajaran nyer ialah...

1. before you say something, check the information.

2. before you send a referral, check it with your senior colleagues.

3. if in doubt, ask your SHO or Reg.

Oh, be nice to your consultant. Whatever person they may be, at times like this, they're good help.

Oh ya, Dr Clarke, Colin dan Carol juge bertanya, adakah aku akan bekerja dengan Mr Kelly di UCHG nanti....nasib baik tak...hehe. Concern la diorang nih. Sayang korang!

real love

Heh.

He gave me a sweet with 'real love' written on it. Ces. Dont blame me if I fell for you.

Anyway, he's gone to St James's. Lalala. Dah takde motivation nak pi keje pagi2. tsk tsk. Rabu ni Pei Seey buat makan2 kat umah dia. Ajak ramai docs. Nak mintak tolong aku masak...on jek! Bley amik gambar ramai2! Tapi John takde :(

...aiseh, mana la the next patient for stress test nih!!?? Siot tol Boon ngan Minesh, aku kene cover stress test utk team Barton plak!

Oh, aku pass ACLS semalam. Best giler! Tak sabar nak ada cardiac arrest!

stressed

pagi rabu tu, mood aku ok datang keje. tapi yang siotnya, datang2 tengok oisin tak siap keja. tak amik consent patient aku yang datang for ercp. kata aku lupa kasi tau. hek eleh. kalau aku lupa pun, takkan la bodoh bendul sangat. seperti la patient yang datang untuk angio atau MRI atau colonoscopy...semua kena consent. aku bengang sebab turned out patient tu confused, kene la relative dia yang consent. nurse kata masa patient datang malam day before, relatives dia ada sekali. tapi time tu oisin tak ambik.

aku pun sound la oisin. dia kata silap aku yang lupa kasi tau. aku cakap common sense amik consent takkan tak tau. dia cakap takde, takde..tu patient aku, bukan tanggungjawab dia. mak oi! bukan main terasa baran aku time dia cakap macam tu. macam dia tak ingat, sebab dua patient dia la aku terpaksa cover stress test sampai 4.30 the day before...tu bukan patient aku, tapi aku buat jugak, kan???

aku bengang, marah sampai hari ni. tak tegur oisin, eka n aini. naper tak tegur aini ngan eka? sebab aku rasa diorang tau oisin salah, tapi tanak back-up aku. instead gelak2 suruh aku jangan carik gaduh ngan oisin. bengang.

tak pasal2 aku bengang ngan safwat masa klinik sebab stress banyak patient. ye ah, aku jumpa 4 new patient dan 3 review. satu new patient dah 30mins at least. colin away. safwat oncall. tinggal aku, carol ngan clarke cover klinik. klinik habis kol 1.45pm hari tu. aku koma nak mampus tak makan lunch.

habis klinik, kene setel hal kat ward. tengok2 team durkan lepak2 discuss2. aku paling bengang kalau hari selasa, aku kejar stress test ngan phlebotomy ngan cover patient kat ward...kalau nampak team durkan lepak2. oh, hari selasa (the day before) yang aku kene cover patient durkan sampai 4.30 tu, mahir ada hati nak kasik lagi sorang patient dia. naseb baik sally keras hati tanak amik, kalau tak, kene jugak aku cover sampai pukul 5. ingat aku suka sangat buat stress test ni? keja kat ward sapa nak cover?????

macam ni la. lain kali hari selasa, aku tanak cover patient durkan for stress test. korang jangan main2. aku dengan minah2 ECG kamceng ketat. kalau aku nak boikot, bila2 masa aku boleh. after all...bukan patient aku kan???????

peace.

bak kata korang2 la kan, jangan gaduh2. ciao.

post-presentation

Wahaha! Gembiranya dah habis present case!

Caya la minggu ni memang aku pressure gile nak present. Tapi, minggu ni, sume team member aku sangatlaaaaaa penyayang dan supportive tak ingat dunia. Ketua aku siap tolong semak presentation aku tuuuu. Sepatutnya reg aku cuti hari ni. Tapi, semalam ketua aku call dia suruh dia attend grand round dan tolong semak presentation aku. Huahahaha! Terasa cam anak bongsu plak! Minah and mat SHO aku pun baik gile tolong aku minggu ni..huhu. Terharu aku. Nyesal plak kutuk korang2. Kah Kah Kah!

Presentation tadi OK la. John pun present case patient kitorang, although mainly surgical issue. So, ketua aku pun tolong dia jawab soalan gak, sebab ketua aku ni, tak mintak tolong pun, mulut dia memang gatal nak cakap. Bila giliran aku kene tanya plak, ketua aku pun tolong. Tapi siot ah soalan pacik Paeds tu, immunology ngan pharmaco tak ingat dunia!! Ketua aku jeling2 n senyum sinis kat aku, ye ah, dia pun tak tau sangat nak jawab soalan tu. Tapi, ketua aku berusaha jugak nak jawab..eheheh. Bagus ah hang!

Lepas present tu, pacik Paeds tu kata ah, presentation sangat bagus. Cuma kitorang dua2 tak tengok muka audience, asyik2 tengok slide jek. Ahahaha! Nervous beb..takkan nak tengok audience...gemuruh aku. Dah la time present tadi, aku cakap laju giler....

Team aku cakap aku present bagus ah. Ketua aku cakap, bagus ah coz aku berjaya present dalam masa 20 mins. Nyahaha! Aku tak kisah bagus ke tak, yang penting I'M DONE!!!!!!

Wahahahahaha...lepas ni boleh tido ngan aman! Weekend ni on-call...oh shit! Habis la, aku dah lama tak amik darah!!!!

keje, makan, tido

Semenjak dua menjak ni, gembira plak aku menulis blog. Bukannya kehidupan aku ni adventurous atau menarik gila babeng yang membuatkan aku nak tulis selalu. Oh tidakkk...Aku cuma intern yang keje cam ofis hour, balik umah makan nasik 2 pinggan dan tidur.

Hari Jumaat lepas, Eka telah present dgn sangat mantapnya. Aku sangat bangga siot ngan Eka. Eka bukan jek dah present gilos maut, tapi berjaya menepis soalan2 cepumas dari consultant2 yang cuba nak buat malu. Cayala. Dr Clarke siap tolong Eka lagi. Fuiyoo. Mesti presentation bagus giler.

Minggu ni cambest sket. Walaupun kene tegur sket ngan Reg pun, tak kisah. Huahaha. Hari tu sempat buat lawak slumber ngan Reg, tapi dia gelak tak ingat dunia. Huahaha. Dah nak bonding ah ni. Ngan Ketua pun dah nak bonding. Hari tu, dia tolong aku carik bahan presentation kat tenet, dia cakap, dia ni serupa cam bapak aku je la. Hoho. Bole la, tapi bapak aku tak gatal weissss.

Jumaat depan aku kene present. Cuaks gile. Sebab takut kene tanye. Ye ah. presentation aku ni, controver-SIAL sket. Banyak journal kene baca. Harap2 Ketua ada time aku present, tolong aku jawab soalan le...Yang aku takut tu, time present mesti sore aku automatically jadik kecik. HUHU!

Ok la nak sambung wat presentation. Oh, hari Jumaat dah dapat second gaji. Hari Sabtu tu, aku cek kat tenet. Gila terkejut aku. Mentally, memang terus jadik gila ah. GILA DUIT! Mana taknya, basic campur oncall campur overtime campur credit tax campur elaun umah...jumlahnya???? HUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!! Hanya aku, Eka, bank, employer dan Jabatan Cukai jek yang tau!!!!!! Oh yeah, Tuhan pun tau gak. Ni wajib kene zakat nih!

Tu ah, nanti kene tanya brapa nak potong untuk bayar zakat ni..kene kasik halal sket duit aku ni. Yo ah, duit gaji aku ni, brapa percent hasil jual Guiness kat Ireland nih??!!!!

Peace..yo yo ahhhhhh....

Gaji

Akhirnya...dah dapat gajiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wahahahahah...tu tak masuk buat oncall ngan tax reclaim lagi....Huahahahah!!!

Kah kah kah.. (sile gelak cam orang gile kuasa!!!)

Nak beli apa ek??? Heheehehehehheheheeh..... shhhhhhhhh...

Esok nak balik Galway. Nak poya2. Pas tu dah tiga minggu tak balik Galway, rindu plak :) Tak sabaunya nak melepak main2 kat Umah Merah..hehe, bolehkan?

Oh, hari ni ward sunyi gile. 2 IV cannula, 1 blood, and 3 IV meds. Perghhh. Aku post take hari Khamis tu pun, tambah 2 orang patient jek. Tu pun dua2 pi Merlin Park for dialysis immediately coz ARF. Minggu depan bos takde, patient pun ada 3 orang jek.....huhuhu...gumbiree... Rasanya sebab Galway Race kot, pasal tu satu Ireland pi Ireland. Sibuk la UCHG next week..ye ah, sampai tak terima elective admission tuuu.

OK la..tak sabau plak nak balik umah. Ada setengah jam jek lagi for me to mkn gaji butaaaa!!

Peace :P

oncall

Lama giler tak blogging.

Hari ni oncall Sabtu. Busy nak mampus. Banyak pulak patient yg kene serial data hari ni. Tak kurang jugak patient yang kena cannula sampai 2,3 kali sebab asik2 tercabut tersangkut kat pajama. Dan tak kurang jugak patient yang tak reti bahasa bila aku warning jangan cabut. Nasib vein2 hari ni boleh tahan. Kalau tak, nangis jugak la aku kena ngadu kat SHO oncall aka Minesh.

Anyway, hari ni kira best gak, coz kena handle patient yang shock (probably internal bleeding). Cayalah. Cepat2 GXM, letak wide bore cannula (kaler hijau....caya ah beb), IV Losec.....huhu. Kalau Colin tau, mesti bangga kat aku...kalau dia tau ah....cam hampeh jek SpR aku tuh.

Sebab dah lama aku tak blog ni, sebabnya, for the last 2 weeks..aku kene bantai teruk ngan consultant. Sebabnya, cover keje intern lain tak kasi tau dia. So, since then memang busy gile la aku kene tau every details about patient coz everytime ward round kene present patient. Kalau tak, sedap jek la kene bantai ngan dia. Penat tau tahan air mata and control macho. Ye ah, kene sound tengah2 ward..orang lalu lalang tengok jek aku kene sound. Malu tak ingat ah....Wahahaha....penat tahan depression wooooooooooo.........

Tadi tengah2 review patient, dizzy lak pulak, macam nak collapse. Aku breakfast roti dua keping. Pastu tak lunch. Minum petang roti dua keping, teh satu cawan. Pastu tak dinner. Pukul 11.30 mlm ni tadi, baru sempat nak sembat roti dua keping lagi. Huhu. Sedih ni jadik doktor. Sekali aku collapse tengah2 ward, bengang pulak nurse nak jaga aku kan? Wahahaha... (berapa la berat aku sekarang ni?????)

Alhamdullilah, aku dah naik satu tahap, pakai cannula kaler pink...kah kah kah...NGT pun jalan lancarrrrrrrrr. Tadi Minesh kata, kalau ada pleural tap lagi, dia suruh aku wat...hmmm. Ok la...keje2 merepek jek intern ni. Tapi busy la jugak. Paling bengang kalau kene review yang tah hapa2.

Hari Jumaat tu, baru dapat sign mintak cuti ngan consultant. Seb baik hari Jumaat tu, keje aku cemerlang. Berjaya book CT utk patient...berjaya mengejar radiologist untuk CT report, berjaya book bronchoscopy ngan angio for patient..dan berjaya 'menghalau' 7 orang patient dari list kitorang. Caya ah beb. Dan berjaya menjawab soalan2 padu dari consultant gak. Alhamdullilah. Gembira aku balik keje hari tu (walaupun balik lambat coz terpaksa setelkan keje SHOs).

Dan berjaya jugak tak spend duit for the last 2 weeks. Bila la gaji nak masuk ni? Hari tu terpaksa menagih simpati ngan parents aku. Sampai mak aku cakap, "dah keje pun mintak duit mama lagi"... ehehehehehehe.... Macam ni la perasaan seorang yang sengkek duit....

Dua tiga hari ni...bibir aku pecah2. Sebabnya dehydrated la..Keja sampai tak sempat nak minum. Kadang2 nak pi toilet pun tak sempat. Menahan je la sampai balik rumah. Ni dah tua nanti ni, memang kompem dapat batu karang aku ni. Tak pun urinary incontinence. Kah kah kah. Pastu cakap kat Roq, coz hari tu pun dia komplen pasal bibir pecah2...sian kiter nih..sekalik aku curik IV fluid kat spital kang baru tau...cucuk la IV cannula sendiri kan, kan?

Ok la..aku ni tunggu kol 12 tgh mlm ni. Nak cabut balik rumah. Esok oncall lagi. Jerawat pun dah naik seketul dua. Aduh la...........

survival tip

The tip to survive ur internship is easy.

One, be confident in everything. Yes, everything. Even though, that thing is your first time, be confident and take your time doing it. Dont rush yourself..and baca Bismillah!! First week went well. All the cannulation, phlebotomy, referral etc2 went well. Thank God. Thank God for the patient's good vein and my good eyes..ahahah..

Two, be nice and polite to everyone, especially the devilish nurses. Nothing else can be elaborated on this one. You all know what I mean! Be courteous with the radiologist and the lab people...because they're important and they know they are..so kadang2 jual mahal..and kena la kipas ego diorang sket!!

Three, do everything immediately. Dont hang around waiting for the right moment to do stuff. If you do that, you'll have 4,5 jobs waiting in line, which is sucks! The last thing you want is OT, and nurses bleeping you 2,3 minutes before midnight/5.00pm because of something you forgot to do...

Four, with critical/chronically ill patient...do everything yourself i.e. bloods, ECG, Xray request. When the consultant or in my case "rough, good looking SpR" asking for results/details, you'll have them in hand. Kewl rite? Takde la memalukan diri sendiri, running around the wards looking for report and start badgering the labs/radiologist!

Five, constantly review your patients. Keep up to date about everyone. And be nice to them. They'll report about you to everyone on the ward. So, the last thing you want is bad report!

bla bla bla...peace.

Oh, hari ni one of my patient praised me, coz I managed to get blood from her without giving her a bruise! Caya la!!!

second day

Hola..today my second day of internship. Everything went quite well. Alhamdulillah. Dr Clarke's not around (thank God). Did my first venesection and ECG stress test today. Kewl! Anyway, looking forward to more stuff to do, coz I'm so bored waiting around for people to bleep me! WAHAHAHHAHA!!!

Tak dapat balik raya, but I opted to balik cuti sekolah instead. And celebrate my birthday in Msia!!!

Oh ya, and I'm so broke. MARA tak masuk elaun July. I've only 100 euro in my bank. Pay is in 2 weeks time...oh lamanya......

And trying to get my love life on track. It has been kept 'on hold' punya la lamaaaa....

Finally, I'm not stressed yet. Oncall Khamis ni. Then baru boleh complain macam2!!

P/S: I wish every patient has vein like mine...oh ni'matnya!!

happiness vs meaning

The ways of happiness and meaning are not the same. To find happiness, a man need only live in the moment; he need only live for the moment. But if he wants meaning - the meaning of his dreams, his secrets, his life - a man must reinhabit his past, however dark, and live for the future, however uncertain. Thus nature dangles happiness and meaning before us all, insisting only that we choose between them.

The Interpretation of Murder

"...there comes a time when a man has to ask himself, whether he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning. Two very different paths. (I mean) to be truly happy, a man must live absolutely in the present. No thought of whats gone before, no thought of what lies ahead. But, life of meaning, the man is condemned to wallow in the past, obsessed about the future."

Heroes episode 18, season 1

Graduation

bedjump

Subject: Azam, Dudin and Me ;p
Venue: Novotel Suvarnabhumi Airport Hotel, Thailand

For more -> www.bedjump.com

Dad part 1

Hi, I'm Marisa, and I'm posting from Amsterdam.

During my flight from KLIA to Schipol, tiba2 homesick. Hmm...I supposed for me, 5 years is enough.. but the money (pay) is too good to let go.

Holiday was OK (and very eventful). Dad got sick while we're in Bangkok. Turns out, he had few bouts of pancreatitis (idiopathic I of I GET SMASHED) before I came home. We had to rush home, missed our holiday in KL. A CT scan then showed he had pancreatic abscess o 7cm x 7cm. Damn huge. He also had a bystander typhoid. Both typhoid and abscess gave the misleading symptoms of cancer/lymphoma i.e night sweats, fever and weight loss.

Mum told me, he went to see many doctors before this, but eneryone put it down to just mere fever and gave him panadol. Finally, at one private hospital, mum demanded a thorough check up. Of course on my advice at that time. Thank God wecaught the abscess before it ruptures or perforate other organs.

During the operation, the surgeons found that the abscess adhered to the stomach and bowel ..and it took them a long tme to separate them in order to avoid any resection. Really..describing stoma seems nice for exam but not for your own family members.

Anyway, he's recuparating well now. Hopefully the drain will be removed at the end of this week. Mum was sad cause she cant go to my convo. Dad was double sad he felt that it was his fault mum cant go....

hmmmmmmmmm

peace...

TBC

Dudin in Bangkok

last summer hols

Well...

Arrived home on Sunday the 20th. On my flight from Amsterdam to KLIA, kene usya ngan steward...hehe. Masin mulut the night before departure, cakap ngan Maedy & Roque "26 hari mencari cinta". Kat Amsterdam airport, I bought myself (konon hadiah grad..walaupun takde duit as elaun dah kene stop) a digicam...Casio Exilim 10 MP. Sempat lagi kene usya ngan pakcik salesman. Best jugak balik sorang2 ni. Asyik kene usya ;p

Still jetlagged. Sort of. Dad was sick (for the last 2 weeks), alhamdulillah he is OK (for the time being). Cant wait for our family hols!!

Oh, actually nak citer after dapat result...hehe. The next day, pi CSI balik nak amik result and tengok dapat keje ke tak. Dapat first choice la..syiuhhh. First 6 months keje kat Ballinasloe ngan Dr Barton (Cardiologist..hampeh aku kantoi ECG). Tak pasal2 kene warning ngan Maedy & Nuna (pasal Dr Barton suke ward round lama2..mau2 sampai jam 8 malam...). Seb baik ada geng, Eka & Zhanna. Dua2 pun intern Dr Clarke (yang kerek itu).

Next 6 months, keje ngan Mr Courtney & Orthopaedics kat Regional. Swap over ngan Roque after 3 months. Bosan2 tu, usya ranking sat. Hahah...ranking aku 49 out of 96? 98? 100? students. Hampehsssss....

Hari Jumaat tu buat kenduri kesyukuran sat. Faezah masak pulut kuning ngan rendang daging. Sedap sehhhh....dah balik Msia ni, kempunan plak nak makan pulut kuning...(bukan Pulut..ahaha). Tak leh nak wat besar2an, coz tak semua Msian lepas..hmmm....sedih la jugak. Lagi best kalau everyone lepas, tapi dah takdir kan? Hopefully that dear friend of mine bersabar & tabah to go through the whole thing again....

Balik Kuching ni, dua hari aku teman bapak aku pi berubat ngan Anjang.. Not yet licensed to cure(?kill) I told Anjang...pasal tu takleh nak wat apa2. Di kala2 aku bosan, aku main PS2 (Pulut...aku main God of War 2..jangan jeles!!). Dan aku bantai manga Naruto...hahah..best jugak...hampehsss...

Result budak medic Unimas kuar hari ni. Banyak gak la geng aku kat Unimas tu..esok2 aku tanya macam mana la.

Bahaya balik Kuching tahun ni. Semua tau aku grad. Semua nak pau aku...hahha...parai...

Ok la...ciao. Peace.

LULUS!

Akhirnya penantian selama 2 hari selepas exam sudah berakhir.

Alhamdulillah, Maha Suci Allah, Yang Maha Kuasa Yang Menentukan Segalanya... aku lulus 2nd class honour overall. Semua subjek second class. Alhamdulillah, medicine yang aku takut2 fail tu, dapat 2nd class jugak. Walaupun bukan 1st class, tapi aku syukur amat2 sebab dah mengatasi expectations aku sendiri (iaitu, kalau PASS pun cukup la...).

Plan asal sebenarnya nak tengok result hari Jumaat. Siap kasik tau Aini, tengokkan kalau2 ada tak Malaysian yang fail. Pulut pun beriya2 suruh aku tengok result...haha...lagi beriya dari aku tuuu...

Tapi, Aini tiba2 call kata takde pun listed student yang fail. Dalam cuak2 aku kasik tau no ID aku. 5 minit aku tunggu Aini untuk call aku balik, dan aku rasa 5 minit tu la yang paling mendebarkan. Andai kata aku fail, kesian la Aini nak break the bad news untuk aku.

Syukur aku rasanya tak mampu nak membalas pemberian Allah SWT selama ni. Ditambah pulak dengan result yang tak disangka2, lagi la terasa banyaknya hutang aku ngan Dia.

Terima kasih jugak buat semua, terutamanya budak rumah aku, Pulut, Liyana, Maedy, Roque, Wan, ngan Faezah. Buat study groupmate aku, Firdouse, Eka and Hazli. Buat Aini. The rest of my colleagues. Budak2 third year yg banyak tolong dekat2 exam ni. And the rest of Galwegian. And sume kawan2 aku di merata dunia, tak termention la nama (tp, especially nina and amar for your supports for the last 5 years)... Yang pastinya, buat parents aku yang sentiasa percaya kat aku....

Tenang hati aku, sebab balik ni aku membawa berita gembira...

the final exam

Macam tak percaya, my Surgical oral exam yesterday was my last exam in med school (hopefully)..

Everybody was asking each other after that, "nak buat apa lepas ni?"

I was so busy with studying and preparing myself for the exam for the last 9 months, that my mind and body had been working in such forward momentum..And so when it's time to do NOTHING, my brain stops and felt EMPTY..Yes, studying, although it's hard and tiresome, but I love studying...hmmm

Yesterday, I vowed that I'll get some sleep after the exam (I cant sleep at all the night before). Instead, I ended up cleaning my room..and seeing how spacey it was...hati rasa sebak pulak. I'm going to leave this house, which I've stayed for the last 5 years, particularly my room...Sayang la. I love my room...It actually have my homey smell...hahaha..

Oh yeah, surgery exam went well. Alhamdulillah. After the terrible ordeal through medicine (and post-medicine depression), I'm grateful enough that my surgical exam went well. I had 2 nice examiners for my long case..and although I didnt managed to get the diagnosis, but I performed it smooth enough (pressure of speech..the examiners cant even cut in..huahahaha). And I had Regan and Kelly for my short cases. Although they asked a lot of questions, but as long as I managed to answer them all, I supposed it's OK. And the oral exam went well as well. I had PE for my oral exam (the same Q for my med oral)...I supposed this was some help from God, giving me the same Q for my oral. Alhamdulillah.

Thank God I didnt feel an inch of nervousness yesterday. Partly maybe because I didnt get any sleep, so, I was too sleepy to feel nervous anyway. I've slept too much before my med exam, so, that's maybe why I was so nervous that day (consciousness level was too high at that time)...

Someone spread the word that everyone passed their medicine. Well, I wish thats true, although it's not finalized until the board meeting, who's actually going to pass PASS.

Well, final year is the hardest year, yet the dearest year for me. It has been spiritually, emotionally and physically demanding. I might've killed some neurons along the way. Didnt had much fun, as time was spent studying and worrying. I was homesick throughout the year, and cant wait to go home this Saturday. Hope everything goes well, as I hope to bring good news to my parents this Sunday.

Amin

Denial and anger

I'm feeling down. No words can ever describe my frustration. For the time being, crying seems the best thing to keep me strong.

I wish my mum's here. She is not the kind of person who would give strong words or advice that'll pull you out of your miseries. Neither do dad. Hmm. Its more like, tak apa mengadu ngan parents, they cant judge you (if anything goes wrong) because you're their children.

I tried to call mum yesterday, but she was still at the school (it was sports day yesterday). So, I called dad instead. It was akward for him. I was telling him, how nervous I was before the exam. He kept silent. Apparently, consoling the children is mum's job... mum then called me back just before I was called for my short cases...

Both of them were like, "Ah, jangan risau. Boleh buat punya. No big deal la. Dah selalu duduk exam, kan..". It was always that way. How come they have such strong expectations of me?

It was frustrating. Frustrated, because I wasnt able to give my 100% yesterday. Frustrated, because I gave in too much with my nervousness, I end up doing my worst ever..

Sigh

How sad, felt so helpless..Complaining to God seems too rebellious and ungrateful, but that's what I'm doing right now. Denial and anger.

AnimeOtaku

Last night, after having dinner, I told Wan, I have a new resolution or ambition..apa2 je la. I told her I was browsing the web for list of animes, since I've no clue what to watch next (after Hajime no Ippo)...then,

I stumbled upon a website, and it listed the Japanese choice of the Top 100 anime (published by TV Asahi). Kinda dissapointing because my favourites eg Niea_7 and Bokura ga Ita werent on the list! And I wonder why top notch famous anime eg Ah!My Goddess, Death Notes and Elfen Lied weren't on the list as well...And yet, the bland Azumanga Daioh was on it!!

So, basically, my new ambition is to watch all 100 animes la... hahaha!! Some I've seen (white), some I've read (pink) and some I'm currently watching (blue). The rest is yet to be explored...huahahaha

1 Fullmetal Alchemist
2 Neon Genesis Evangelion
3 Pani Poni Dash!
4 The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
5 Negima!
6 Gundam
7 Bleach
8 Prince of Tennis
9 Rozen Maiden
10 Strawberry Marshmallow
11 Shana
12 Dragonball
13 Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha
14 Eureka 7
15 Yu Yu Hakusho
16 Overman King Gainer
17 Naruto
18 Slam Dunk
19 Kyo Kara Maoh!
20 Inu Yasha
21 One Piece
22 Gintama
23 Detective Conan
24 Saiyuki
25 Saint Seiya
26 Rurouni Kenshin
27 The Law of Ueki
28 Hunter X Hunter
29 Fafner
30 Sailor Moon
31 Doraemon
32 Air
33 Sergeant Frog
34 Touch
35 City Hunter
36 Ranma 1/2
37 Digimon
38 My-HiME
39 Lupin III
40 Cowboy Bebop
41 Blood+
42 Mahoraba ~Heartful days~
43 Pokemon
44 Cardcaptor Sakura
45 Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex
46 Major
47 Eyeshield 21
48 Crayon Shin-chan
49 Galaxy Angel
50 Nintama Rantarou
51 s-CRY-ed
52 Tactics
53 Tsubasa Chronicle
54 Black Jack
55 The Twelve Kingdoms
56 Best Student Council
57 Honey and Clover
58 Zatch Bell
59 Sousei no Aquarion
60 Harukanaru Toki no Naka de ~Hachiyou Shou~
61 Higurashi no Naku Koro ni
62 Bincho-tan
63 ARIA The ANIMATION
64 Ojamajo Doremi
65 Fushigiboshi no Futago Hime Gyu!
66 Futari wa Pretty Cure
67 Macross
68 Urusei Yatsura
69 GaoGaiGar: King of Braves
70 Fate/stay night
71 Ouran High School Host Club
72 Mushishi
73 Kamichu!
74 Heidi
75 Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo
76 Azumanga Daioh
77 Play Ball
78 Gakuen Alice
79 Jigoku Shoujo
80 Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan
81 Hikaru no Go
82 D.C. ~Da Capo~
83 Planetes
84 Full Metal Panic!
85 Candy Candy
86 Chibi Maruko-chan
87 Sakura Wars
88 Space Battleship Yamato
89 Fist of the North Star
90 Onegai my Melody
91 Martian Successor Nadesico
92 Peacemaker
93 Black Cat
94 Fruits Basket
95 Brave Saga
96 Yu-Gi-Oh!
97 Maison Ikkoku
98 Samurai 7
99 School Rumble
100 Patlabor

After listening to my new-found resolution, Wan was impressed. I actually found something I really want to do. And then she called me... OTAKU!!! WAHHAHHAHAHA!!

Oh yeah. An Anime Otaku. Just that I'm not into hentai la... bwerkk!!

Come to think of it...macam malas pulak la kan nak layan Yu-Gi-Oh or Pokemon or Naruto (no offence ah Naruto-fans..dragging sangat la anime tuh...)

:P

contradict

I supposed there's a limit to ignorance.

And I supposed, I have to get angry once in a while.

Hmm. After all, I'm only human.

It's annoying when people are contradicting themselves. Not to say I've a good stand myself.

But to say you need space, and yet when I left, you go badgering others. But to say you're religious, and yet when I respected that, you spent the nights with some guys. But to say you're responsible, and yet when I believed that, you shattered that trust immediately. I cant ignore that...

Hmm. Yes, I contradicted myself once in a while.

It feels like shit.

Oh well..I supposed being lonely at this time of year sucks. Especially after watching some anime, and end up pitying myself. Damn.

Oh fcrapck. I can no longer ignore this things. Well, maybe just today. Tomorrow, I'll put on my 'happy-I-dont-care-a-damn-thing-about-the-world' face.

Peace.

last paper

So, yeah..I did said I'm not gonna post until the 18th..But what the heck..

Damn, the last paper was like s%#@. Quite dissapointed really, in myself and the stupid 'hint' from the surgeons...crap!

Oh well..I supposed I just have to do my best in the clinicals (which is kinda 'hard'..duh!)

It was actually a funny scene during the exam... Heard Zhanna screamed when we first got the question paper. Midway through the exam, Catriona was frustratingly scribbled on her paper, Muireann was laughing when she saw Catriona doing that. Ciara at the back was grumbling to herself... and me? Got too much time myself (since I've no clue on how to answer those fecking questions)...sempat cuci mata tengok the invigilators, the 5th MBs, and the colleagues around me.. arghh!! Oh yeah, and I was warned twice for continuing to write after the time's up..BWERKKK!!!

It was terrible indeed. We had 3 questions on tumour staging, 2 on trauma.. the only thing(s) that made me glad were the vascular and ortho questions! May God bless you, Sultan and O'Sullivan!!!

And damn those stupid hints from Regan and Kerin (and Urology too!!). Abihla keter korang aku calar nanti..huahahaha!!

And you too Kelly!!! Sheeshhh..staging??? Berapa banyak nombor I have to memorize tu!!???

And so, we head to the town after the exam. Everyone was frustrated. Me, never in my life, I had to gamble on questions that I didnt read about on!! CRAP!

Bought a patella-hammer-bag. Haha. That bag definitely gonna end up with my sister later on.

Went home and saw Liyana and Wan sunbathing at the backyard. Kinda serene actually.... Cant wait to go home... (still pissed off)

Oh well..sorry for the foul words.. Should have seen how Zhanna was saying the 'F' word and 'shit' in front of her daughter.. then you'll understand how frustrating it was...

Oh feck...surgery..never fits me anyway. Despite how Kak Dian used to say I have good hands...

Round 5..ting,ting,ting

I would love to write "And so, all the effort that has been put in for the last 5 years to create Dr Marisa end up dot dot dot.."

That, however, can only be told on the morning of 18th of May. (They used to release the result on the night of the last day of exam, but this year, they felt it is wise to wait for 2, 3 days to do so... Reason? They want to make sure that they've calculated the result correctly, this year... HUH? So to say, there were "mistakes" in previous years???)

Anyway, the final exam starts tomorrow. And ongoing for nearly a month...Definitely going to be the toughest battle ever. This time around, how you wish for something like Doraemon magical pocket..or even the ability to see the future, or to be able to listen to "the-most-brilliant-student-in-your-class" mind...But most importantly, how you wish you've another day or two, or even regretting how you should have start revising earlier and spent less time on the Internet...

Ok la friends...it's time to continue my last minute cramming. Hope to get enough sleep tonight. Sleep has been bothersome this few nights. I've been like the guy character in Stephen King's Insomnia.

I believe, all the struggle to make it through every year, will be worthwhile. I've determined to be a great doctor, not only to cure but to teach. Though I am sometime incompetent, I believe, my determination will save me...So, dear God...please let me pass!!!!!

Oh yeah. See you on the 18th of May.

A quick holiday

Paid the deposit today!!

Yey!! I'm going back to Msia on the 19th of May. The day after the result's out. Either good or bad, it doesnt matter..I'm going home!!!! (kalau kantoi, boleh nangis puas2 in Msia)

I've been wanting to go home since Xmas hols. Reallyyyyyyy miss Dudin and Fan-Fan.

Yey!! Going to Penang, then Bangkok, then to KL. Back to Kuching. Then off to Mulu!! All in 25 days!!

Meeting Poolin in Penang. Ann and Amar in KL (hopefully). Izah, Peah, Dino etc etc in Kuching. And off to Mulu to see Angie!!! YEYEYEYEYEYYYY!!!

Then, back to Galway on the 14th of June. Well, that depends.... on the result la. ARGHHH!!!!

anime otaku

Ah, Good Friday and Easter Hols..good days for revision. Not.

I've gone from Bleach..to Death Note..to Gintama...to Yakitate Japan...to Genkinshen...to Azumanga Daioh...to Samurai Champloo...to Case Closed....in 3 days.

ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

mix

I was going to write lots of stuff today. Apparently a lot of things have been going on in my head, but everything is so mixed up, I dont know where to start.

One thing for sure, I havent start panicking yet, which is a bad sign. 14 days to go.

Yesterday, I was pestering mum to send me bubur pedas and kulat hitam (kempunan beb), and she replied me " Ok, no problem, nanti papa hantar chef wan sekali". Haha, nice one mum.

Everytime I call home, dad will ask, "Nak papa hantar apa2 ka?". And mum will ask "Ada duit blanja tak?". Heaven kan?

I made sup sayur kailan today. Sempoi banget. Bila makan tu, teringat my mum coz that's her favourite dish. No wonder I was so skinny in high school. Sup sayur jek everyday. Datang Galway ni...hampeh.

Received a card from Kak Madz today, wishing me luck and said that I'll be doing fine. Ahaha. Another big expectation. Kak Madz said, my cousin, Rashid Salleh, is the host for the Breakfast Show on NTV7 now. She said, me and him, we look alike... huh?

Watched Dunia Baru season 2 few days back. Takut deh, coz the heroine is pregnant, and she was happily jumping up and down in the series...gilos...mau miscarriage nanti.

Taught the 3rd med last weekends. Kinda a terrible teacher, I dont know much la. But it's a great feeling to teach others. Anak cikgu la katakan. Adik cikgu jugak...congrats sis.

I've completely forgot Dudin's birthday. Not only that I didnt send him a card, but I forgot to wish him when I called home, twice. And mum said, he kept asking her "bila kakak marisa balit sitok ka?". Huhu.

And the old man who sells cucur (pronouced 'cucoq') pisang in front of his school is no longer selling.. Asked him why. He said, "Aih, ne kamek tauk. Ompuan dah di sia. Kalik nya malu"

Haha. Pandey plentey juak kawu Dudin duhal.

Got to pray..ciao.

Esok saja....

Peace

mock me

mock exam?

how was it?

two words...

"MACAM SYAL"

study

Belajar ni senang sebenarnya. In one sitting (concentrately..), boleh habiskan banyak chapter. Without doubt punyelah. Tambah lagi bila dah last minute and (terribly) desperate nak habiskan the whole lot.

Contohnya masa SPM dulu. Study was no big deal. Lepas balik sekolah tengah hari (dan tidur 2,3 jam), aku akan duduk depan mak aku at the kitchen, bukak buku and study. She wasnt keen on 'spot question', hence prefer if I studied the whole textbook. The tension of having to sit and study in front of your mum, was actually a good thing. Especially bila belajar benda2 bosan macam Sejarah/BM. Kalau tak, mesti akan tersengguk2 and terngantuk2 bila belajar sorang2. So, macam tu la aku study for SPM.

Bila dah kat Galway ni, entahlah. Mungkin sebab aku dulu2 bukan budak sekolah asrama, and so, disiplin aku tak kuat when it comes to study. Bukannya tak dapat, dua kali aku dapat peluang pi sekolah asrama. Tapi, dua2 mak bapak aku rejek, sebab takut bila aku masuk sekolah menengah ni, aku tak disiplin (which is quite true..). So, result aku sekarang ni pun tunggang terbalik. Asyik2 second class hon. Bosan la jugak. Terpikir jugak, macam mana aku dapat result gempak for pharm, sampai menang award hari tu? Macam mana aku belajar at that time, huh?

So, belajar ni senang sebenarnya. If I have my mum in front of me, right now. Sigh.

Damn this devil (laptop) in front of me.

Concentrate!! Concentrate!! Study weiii....

P/S: Trimas buat semua akak2, abang2 and adik2 Galway yang mendoakan kejayaan kami, bebudak final year 2007. Maju trus........

blanja makan

aku: eka..lapar ah.
eka: jum makan. hang blanja.
aku: apsal aku plak?? eka la blanja..
eka: hang ah..
aku: ah, tak nak.
eka: kalo eka cakap one sentence ni, mesti hang blanja..
aku: apa?
eka: hari ni beday eka..
aku: la, ye ke..

finally, aku kene blanja gak eka tadi tuh. huhu... main psychology ni..cess. hahah..
berapa dah umur, eka? 26? ahahahaha... acah jek. 25 baru kan... ;p

peace

Satu minggu ini

Isnin:

Mulut becok buat huru hara

Walaupun aku dah dipesan supaya simpan hal ni senyap2, tapi, tanpa menamakan sapa2, aku terasa nak jugak lahirkan rasa kurang puas hati aku. Bagi aku, kalau niatnya sama, apa salahnya bekerjasama. Dan bagi aku, setiap orang ada hak untuk menambahkan ilmu masing2. Asalkan tak membawa kepada jahanam mana2 pihak, tak usahlah melatah apabila berdepan dengan perkara2 macam ni. Peace.

Selasa:

Dapat angpaw Raya Cina Euro400

Alhamdulillah, duit yang mama hantar aku selamat dapat. Gembira sakan la jugak dapat duit banyak2 ni. Ingat jugak orang Sibu ngan aku. Tapi, semenjak busy gila2 ni, dah tak minat sangat aku nak bershoping. Kalau ada nafsu shoping pun, terpikir jugak perlu atau tidak aku berbelanja ni. Mungkin dah sampai umur di mana aku kena pikir elok2 sebelum belanja duit macam air paip. Memandangkan kerja di Ireland ni macam tak secure, elok la jugak aku simpan duit ni untuk bayar balik MARA nanti. Huhu...nak beli Threadless....

Rabu:

Ajar budak-budak

Bawak budak2 3rd year. Yang nyatanya, aku saja2 join diorang sebab diorang tau patient best2. Gembira pulak rasanya bila dapat mengajar budak2 ni. Walaupun, aku tak le pandai sangat mengajar, tapi, sebab keturunan2 aku ni cikgu, mungkin terasa la gembiranya bila dapat mengajar. Walaupun cam hampeh. Hahaha.

Khamis:

Java bersama Pulut

Lambat gila Pulut abis oral hari ni. Susah jugak jadik orang last in the list. Lepas tu dia risau2 dapat soalan senang sangat. Ala, lepakla.. Patutnya belanja dia Java, tapi dia yang bayar. Takde duit la. Haha. Lepas tu borak2 'politik'. Ye ke? Ahaha..layankan je la kau. Sorry Liyana..... (kalau ko baca). Malam tu, gembira pulak bergelak ketawa ngan Pulut ngan Liyana. Habis aku tak study malam tu..huhu

Jumaat:

Main ular

Hari ni aku determine nak setelkan claim MARA aku. So, aku ponteng hari ni. Punya pemalas aku hari ni, aku naik bas pergi and balik town. Sempat jugak aku usya suit, nak beli ke tak nak. Ada dua pasang kasut lawa gak..satu kat TopShop, another kat Aldo. Tapi sayang duit punya pasal maka aku tak beli. Tahan je la. Menahan nafsu tu separuh dari iman gak. Malam tu, aku layan cerita hantu ngan Pulut and Liyana. Ngantuk2 jugak la. Sebab tak leh banyak subtitle (spec tinggal kat CSI), bengang jugak la aku. Tapi scary dowh...

Sabtu:

Qiam senguk-sengguk

Malam tu dua kali aku solat sunat hajat. Yang satu kol 2am aku terbangun. Kebetulan tak Isyak lagi. Pukul 4.30am tu, Maedy kejutkan aku. Ajak qiam. Punya la mamai aku. Sebelum tu, pagi tu, ada study group ngan geng2 aku. Penat la jugak. Balik study group tu, makan megi. Bila makan megi tu, teringat ngan mak aku, sebab dia pun suka makan megi tu. Kalau dia masak, mesti dia masak 3,4 paket ngan telur. Biasa dia masak petang2, kononnya untuk minum petang, lepas dia habis mengajar tuisyen. Lepas tu, dia panggil aku ngan bapak aku (kitorang petang2 selalu gardening), and then Dudin (selalu layan kartun time2 ni). Kalau Azam ada, mesti dia tengah main game ataupun tidur petang ataupun layan internet. Kalau Tayang ada, dia mesti tengah tidur petang ngan Irfan, ataupun layan kartun dengan Dudin, ataupun tengah main2 ngan Irfan. Ah rindunya. Lepas makan megi tu, aku pun tidur..ahaha..penat dowh..

Ahad:

"Eh, tak payah risau la. Dah sampai tahun akhir, tinggal sikit lagi. Boleh buat punya".

Itu la pesan bapak aku. Nak cakap ngan mak aku, dia kat KL. Satu minggu. Buat soalan STPM ramai2 kat KL. Tinggal bapak aku ngan Dudin kat rumah. Azam dah balik Unimas tengah hari tu. Tayang ngan Irfan balik rumah mentua, esok diorang balik Kapit. Sekarang cuti sekolah satu minggu. Dudin tengah buat bendera, dia cakap. Bapak aku cakap, Jumaat depan, dia, Dudin ngan Azam pergi KL, lepas tu balik sama2 dengan mak aku ke Kuching. Lepas call familyi aku, teringin plak aku call Rafli. Hehe, dia tengah dinner ngan kakak dia. Dia cakap, eh, no 013 kuar kat HP dia. Aku tipu, cakap aku kat KLIA ni, balik Malaysia... excited rupanya dia. Huahaha..

Lalala...

kata

Manusia itu dipegang pada katanya, lembu itu dipegang pada tali yang mengikatnya.
Terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak kata sukar sekali.

Yang membezakan manusia dengan seekor lembu dan sebuah perahu ialah kata-kata...


Haha...

Tuhan A atau Tuhan B

Tadi, terserempak ngan satu teman ni, masa nak pi solat Maghrib. Biasa, mesti dia suruh aku doakan untuk dia. Dia ni non-muslim. Aku plak gurau kat dia, engko pun kene la doa ngan aku gak :p Pastu dia cakap, dia confused. Aku pun pelik, apsal?

Sebabnyer, dia kire baru convert..dari agama A pi agama B. Sebab, satu family dia convert, mak dia suruh, so, dia convertla. Masalahnyer, dia dah biasa ngan agama A dan dia suka agama A tu. Agama B pun bagus gak le. Dia pun cakap gak, dia tak pray sangat, sebab, takut nanti apa yang nak dia tak dapat, so, akan jejaskan faith dia. Lagi satu, dia tak tau nak pray ngan yang mana satu.

Dia tanyer aku, aku percaya ngan Tuhan aku ke. Iye la aku cakap. Yakin ke? Yakinnnn. Macam mana aku bley yakin sangat? Aku cakapla(dari pandangan peribadi aku), sebab bila aku susah, sedih, Tuhan aku selalu tolong aku. Selalu ke, dia tanya? Hmm..selalu la, walaupun bukan dengan cara yang aku nak kadang2, tapi, sentiasa la.

Pastu dia tanya, aku percaya beriya2 ni, dapat mimpi apa2 ke? Takde la mimpi, cuma yakin jek. Dia pun cakap, macam blind faith jek. Takde la, aku cakap.. Kalau blind faith, mesti bila aku tak dapat apa2 atau bila aku susah, aku akan "tak percaya".

Then, dia tanya, kes dia cam ne? Aku cakap la, ikutla hati engko. Mana satu yang hati ko rasa kuat, ko percaya la. Mesti ada preference kat mana2 agama. Agak teruk la jugak suggestion aku ni. Patutnya aku berdakwah pasal Islam kat dia..nak buat camna..aku tak pandai. Tak pandai pujuk, dan tak pandai paksa. Eheh.

Lepas tu dia cakap, baiklah. Nanti dia doa alternately la. Satu hari kat Tuhan agama A. Next day kat Tuhan agama B.

Daripada buat camtu, aku cakap, lenkali ko doa..."Dear God" jek. Tak yah letak nama spesifik apa2, contohnya, "Dear God A" atau "Dear God B"

Dengan harapan, nanti, bila dia doa camtu, kalau sampai hidayah Allah SWT kat dia, dia tau la itu sebenar2nya Tuhan yang sebenar. Bukan Tuhan A, bukan Tuhan B.

Peace.

dear you..

Today was quite an emotional day for me. Blame him. Mr JH.

It started off as a good morning. I was actually looking forward on presenting my case to Dr Dunne. However, it turns out that the ward round started late, and she was too busy to teach us....huk aluh.

So, me and 3 others, went to see a patient, Mr JH. He's a 46 years old guy, diagnosed of Multiple Sclerosis 7 years ago. Ask me anything about MS, I'm so expert about it now la...ahaha. Really, you have to see one patient, then you'll be able to appreciate all the facts in the yellow book. See one, understand one, master one.

And back to the patient..he was soooooo nice!! The fact that a lot of thing had happened to him, made me "sayu" seh. He was an adopted child, an engineer, a divorcee with 2 children. He then found his true love ( "it is only once in a life time you'll met that special someone who will wrap your life around their finger, not because you let them to, but because they understand you so much, it actually felt good" ), who was then died in a tragic road accident. And , he was diagnosed of the worst MS ever..the primary progressive MS. No remission. Arghhh!!

But, strangely, I felt like "I love him". Emotionally attached. Yes, he taught me about me in 45 minutes. He understood me, like no one ever had. I admire his strength, and his ability to view life in such optimistic way. I found it interesting discussing about life, religion, love and tragedies with him, and I'm glad that he was able to talk to me too. No words were deemed offensive, and at the end of every sentences we would smiled to each other.

The fact that he knew where my heart is, that was the "ajaib" part. He said I'm not as keen/serious on being a doctor (like my other 2 colleagues), as I was the chatty type. That's true. And he said that I am more empathy, concern of others, and he felt that I've too much love for people. Hmm. And the fact that I've cold hands (and warm heart..ye ke?), he said, prove everything he thought of me. He said that I'm "liberal". In what way, I asked him..In a way that, I was able to discuss about some issue, and at the same time, was able to accept opinions without bluntly agreeing to everything. Sigh. Am I?

It felt good being nice to others. You cant imagine all the encouragements you'll get from your patients by just being nice to them. Sometimes, you need them to remind yourself, what the hell are you doing here...

Pedulik hapa that I'm not a good student. Feck off with all those theories or those examination techniques. Or those medical politics and kissing butt attitudes. I just love talking to patients, listen to them...that's all..lalalala

As I quote him... "Yes, I agree with you. Love is an emotion, a feeling. Love is a "glue" that hold two people together. And yes, as you say, through love, you'll be able to be kind to and respect others."

let it be

Welcome to final year.
A very, very stressful year.
Where everyone ignores each other.
And tries their best to top each other.
Selfish and sucking up?
Hip hip hooray.
True colours show.
Smiles no longer sincere.
A wish no longer to greet,
But to condemn.
Good news no longer shared.
Others failures are cheered on.
Terrible, isnt it?
I see it here.
In front of my own eyes.

It's them.

May day, may day.
This is my distress call.
Help me God.
Help me survive this fierce world.
Help me.
Help me.
Support me from above.
Keep me strong.
Please keep me sane.
Please.
Let them be them.
Let me be me.
Do not change me.
Despite me being me.
Dont let me be as low as them.

Open my heart.
Cherish my own ability.
My own opportunity.
Thanked my own luck.
Be grateful of my own self.
Please.

Let it be. Let it be. Let it be.

be nice

Beberapa tahun lepas, aku kenal satu minah ni. Takdelah geng rapat sangat. Dan dulu aku anggap dia one of the good people. Tapi ada satu incidence ni, yang buat aku teringat2 sampai sekarang. Biarpun dia baik kat aku, tegur2 semua tu, aku still tak dapat lupa incidence tu.

Alkisah di zaman jahiliyah matrik aku dulu, timbullah kesedaran di hati nurani aku yang hitam legam ni nak beli satu kitab Al-Quran. Aku bangga sangat dengan kitab tu, peneman aku sampai kat Uni ni. Aku ingat lagi, aku beli lebih kurang RM20 lebih, kat satu gerai mamak kat Ujana Kewangan kat Labuan nu. Sayang sangat, dan aku rajin baca Quran lepas tu, sebab walaupun aku tak terer sangat bab mad mad tu, at least bley la baca ngan lancar sket. Satu hari masa kat sini, aku amiklah Quran tu, ye lah, nak baca after terawih. Sedar tak sedar, sebab dah lama kut, kaler kat cover Quran tu dah luntur. Abislah telekung aku terkaler merah hijau sket. Aku pun "Aisehhh"...tapi, aku tak bengang, tak marah... Then, minah sorang tu pun cakap.."Tu la, sapa suruh ko beli Quran tu." Aku pun dalam hati "woooooooooooooo". Kecik hati beb. Sampai sekarang aku still ingat kata2 tu. Hampeh la.

Bagi aku, dia adalah seseorang yang paling bertentangan apa yang aku fikir pasal dia. Aku tak tau nature dia apa. Mungkin la dia baik, dia pandai, dia rajin...tapi, bagi aku, ada something yang off pasal dia. Mungkin dia tak suka aku jugak, tapi itu aku tak kisah. Aku cuma pelik, kenapa ada seseorang macam dia. Aku sorang je ke yang rasa? Mungkin gak le. Mungkin aku terlalu beranggapan negatif terhadap sume orang. Atau cuma kat dia. Mungkin secara tak sedarnya, aku tak suka dia.

Ye, mungkin aku tak suka dia. Dia berabisan tak suka apa yang aku suka, suka merendah2 kan aku depan orang lain....bla bla bla. Whatever.

Pengajaran yang aku dapat, tak semua orang baik itu betul2 baik. Dan tak semua orang jahat itu, sangat2 jahat. Dah banyak orang baik aku jumpa ni, crap jugak. Contoh paling hampeh, lupa tanggungjawab kat rumah dan susah nak bertolak ansur. Dan banyak jugak orang jahat yang aku kenal, ada gak nilai2 murni. Contoh paling hampeh, sanggup mengaku kesalahan dan hormat orang tua.

Silapnya, bila kita mengejar the ultimate thing, kita lupa yang paling utama sekali ialah benda2 basic. Hampehla kita, kalau beriya2 menegakkan satu tiang besar kalau kita neglect ruang lompang di kaki tiang tu. Yang kalau tak diisi dengan simen, bila2 boleh runtuh. Basic itu penting. Kalau tak, kita cam tin kosong, bergegar2 menjerit menegakkan prinsip, agama, itu ini, tapi inti satu pun tarak!!! Erti kata lain, bila dah nak mengejar the next step, make sure our foundation is strong enough...atau kalau susah sangat, ingat ni je...cubalah untuk menghormati perasaan orang lain. Kerana bukan semua orang is in the same wave length and of the same mind as you.

PS2 fever is back

We played God of War til 3am. Til the 5th level. Then, we realised, we've no memory card. Heck. Both of us were soooooooooo tired and sleepy. Heck. I was just arrived from Ballinasloe that afternoon. Then, we decided, let's just turn off the TV and go to sleep. KAHKAHKAH.

What a waste, babe.

pen&pencil

Of Love & Wave

Burp Your Tummy Out

No Age Limit

Thoughts of Negativity

In Love We Unite

Ciao 2006

Starstruck

In The Making:Irfan

Hak cipta MARISA'07

Ciao 2006

2006 penuh suka dan duka.

Perang Israel-Lubnan. Hamas menang di Palestin. Umat Islam boikot Denmark. Isu nuklear Iran. Karikatur Rasulullah. Isu Palestin. Bush-Blair mengaku bertanggungjawab akan isu Abu Ghraib. General Sondhi rampas kuasa di Thailand. Banjir teruk di Filipina. Dr Mahathir diserang sakit jantung. PM baru Jepun. Gempa bumi di Jawa. Italy menang World Cup. Saddam Hussein digantung mati. Larangan membawa cecair di Heathrow. Google beli YouTube. Pluto ditarik gelaran planet. Isu ajaran sesat di Msia. Siti Nurhaliza kahwin Dr K. Taufan di Filipina. Perang saudara di Sudan. Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes dapat anak baru. Pilihanraya Iraq. Madonna ambil anak angkat dari Malawi. Nurul cerai dengan Ajai. Gubra menang AIM. Nintendo Wii di pasaran. Perisik Rusia mati kerana Polonium. James Bond baru. Zidane membutthead Materazzi. Ujian senjata nuklear Korea Utara. UN tutup Guantanamou. Ban KI-moon ganti Kofi Annan. Fiedel Castro letak jawatan sementara. Dell tarik balik 4.1 juta bateri. Pope cela Islam.....

Kalau nak banding kisah aku dan 6 billion penduduk dunia yang lain, memang takde apa lah sangat. Selain dari benda2 bosan dan merepek yang aku buat setiap hari dan tulis dalam blog aku ni, takde benda yang aku anggap bersejarah. 2006 bagi aku, cuma kelahiran Irfan, aku lulus 5MB, aku perform bersama housemates masa malam apresiasi seni, dan aku break-up ngan Rafli....itu jek yang boleh dianggap bersejarah. Other than that? Tak significant sangat..esok2 aku lupa lah tu..ahahaha...

Dalam beberapa jam lagi, dah nak 2007. In some parts of the world, mungkin dah new year..hip hip hooray, happy new year! Are you happy now?

Peace