RM5 billion

A hospital will only be functional if..

..we have our own ICU, with our own ventilator..
..we have more ambulance, a functioning ambulance, not the one that cant accelerate more than 100km/h..
..we have specialist in the main departments..
..we have blood bank service, so we dont have to send the donated blood to specialist hospital to be processed..
..we have up to date ultrasound scan machine, and maybe a CT machine..
..we have social welfare department to help with the poor patients..
..we have money alocated for the social welfare department..
..we have better lab service with adequate reagent..
..we have better pharmaceutical service that can supply the district clinics as well..
..we have more nurses and MAs and doctors..

For all that, we just need less than RM5 billion...

Lost

There are times when you feel lost.
Your brain stops thinking. Your mind is empty. Nothing good on TV, keep flicking on the channel. No new update on your friends' FB or blog. Nothing nice (and cheap) on blogshop. No pending holidays. Oncalls seem dreadful. Even work seems pointless. No joy in life.

You feel lost.

There's no joy in the things you used to like.

There are things unsettled in life. But you dont have any power in it. Or you've tried so hard, but nothing changed. You get tired of it. Blargh!

I NEED SOMETHING NEW IN LIFE!

A HOLIDAY! MOVING INTO NEW HOUSE! A NEW JOB!!(?) SOMETHING TO LOOK FROWARD TO..DONT CARE IF ITS AN EXAM!!

Man in white

Dream, subconscious, or reality.

Saw a man in white, entered my room the other night. Or early morning.

Was back from the E&T, attending a case at 2am. Went to sleep. Suddenly woke up, seeing a man in white, opened my bedroom door, and entered. He then prayed next to my bed. I was shaking with fear. Tried to open my mouth, saying prayers and istighfar, but cant seem to open my mouth.

Then he saw me in fear. Put his hand on my chest to calm me down. I was calm indeed after that. He did said something, but I forgot what was it about. Something about my husband.

Then he went out. And he entered again. And I was afraid again. Then he's gone. Tried my best to wake myself up. And when I did, I was gasping, finally the word Astaghfirullahalazim escaped my mouth!

Dont know whether its a good one, or a bad one. You know, the syaitan can disguise as anyone..

Sigh...

"Ya Allah ya Tuhanku, lindungilah aku daripada syaitan yang direjam, serta orang-orang yang dengki..dari kesesatan dan kekufuran...dari malapetaka dan marabahaya..amin."

LOA.

I dont think its the work that stressed me out. Nor the calls, or the ignorant patient.

Its the boredom. Of staying alone. Doing nothing after work. Or over the free weekend.

Lately, few people noted I've loose weight. Even my mum said I was "underweight" when I went back for Raya last month. Well, me losing weight is not intentional. I myself noted how I had lose my appetite. Though at times, I craved eating this and that. But when the food presented to me, I had only a bite, or half the plate..and thats it. I suddenly felt full. Even nauseous when I'm too full. And I passed motion immediately after each meal.

This has been ongoing since before Ramadhan. Cant explain whats going on.

Worm infestations? Unlikely. Stress? Possibly. Pregnancy? Definitely not. Cancer? Hopefully not.

Boredom? Could be.

I do have cravings. Eating my favourite dishes. Tapi kenapa? Kenapa tak dapat habiskan??

Hmmm...

Anyway, thank God I'm still 50kg. Anything lower than that should alarmed me...