gitar kapok

'Breaking up' from something you love is really hard. No shite.

After 4 years of ownership, I figured it's time to let it go. First bought in mid 2004, I was at that time influenced by an old friend studying in Cork. We're from the same matriculation (she was my senior at that time), and like any other talented Sabahan, I knew her for her great voice, her guitar playing, and the day her band won the Battle of the Band. She was my ROCK! I went to visit her in Cork one day, and she entertained me with songs by OAG. It was a mind-bongling experience..if there's such a word..

And so, I bought my first guitar few weeks after. It was brandless and cheap, but it was blue and I like it when I first saw it. Playing it was awkward at first, my fingers went numb and sore. Unlike others, I was pretty slow to catch up with the chords and tabs. Some even laughed at me, when the song I intended to play sounded all over the place. I can never tune my own guitar (til now, yikes!). I only play the basic chords..power chords were too challenging (now I'm playing the electric guitar, so they are OK now). I know myself that I sucks. But whenever I'm bored, stressed and especially while I was studying for my final exam, I like strumming my guitar. Sometimes I came up with my own song.. out of nowhere. There was this one time, I was lepaking at Pulut's bedroom, and we came up with lots of silly songs.

I was never great indeed. I was thinking of taking guitar lessons, but from my past experiences with piano lessons, I knew I cant keep my arse down. But I had great times with it. After longing for an appearance, me and few others performed a medley of songs. For stupid reason, we called ourselves The Broadband.. nyahaha. Such amateurity. We had great time that night and people loves us...

But as I said, it is time to let go. Cant carry 2 guitars on board. So I gave it away to someone. Few days back, I went to that person's house to send it, but she wasnt home. So, I made a little note for her, for her to enjoy playing the guitar as much as I did. I felt sad suddenly while I tried to stick the damn dried-up Post-It on the case. Should I'd made a wrong move, it's too late to take back my words.. And so I did a silly thing, I took my last picture with it. Call me emo if you like..but God knows how many time you cried over stupid stuff yourself..BOOHOO.

Things are more appreciated if you enjoy what you have. Now there's an empty space at the corner of my bedroom where my guitar used to occupy... It's like missing a heart-beat. You ignore it when it's there all the time, but when it's gone, you feel painfully empty.

Dinner for Ten

Called mum this p.m.
Did I told you I owed the Msian Gov RM756,000?
And guess what? If I'm still alive, I'll be paying back the so-called grant til I'm 55.
Great.

Oh ya, me and Roq went out for team (Mr Courtney's) dinner last nite. We went to The Malt House in town, which is quite a fancy restaurant. Arshad, Rasheed (the Reg) and Chris Beirne was there as well. I was seated next to Myles (yeayyyyyyyy...)... Had chowder for starter, Msia dish for main, and choc and chilli tart..Delicious!

It was a great nite. The fact that most of the people were drunk halfway dinner that I didnt even bother to be careful of what I say. So to speak, I was able to joke around with Mr Courtney (insan paling ditakuti....)..and was really friendly with Myles (nyahaha..kan Roq?)

Anyway, Myles was asking when I'm getting married..errr...I'm so not in the marrying state rite now la. He then advised me not to pressured into marriage yet, and told me to concentrate on my Surgical future. He was practically proud that I'm going to do Surgery.. Ok bos!

Oh ya, my 'tak-tau-malu-nyer-mulut' asked him, when is he going to get married..Dia cakap, "Maybe 2,3 years time. I'm still interviewing." Aku pun tanya dia, "Do you still have any application form..?" Dia pun jawab, "Haha..Of course...."

Ahaha..Gosh Marisa...Luckily you're going back to M'sia!!!

We went to The Front Door (Irish Pub) next. Dont worry I only had Coke. And unlike the pub in Msia (not that I've been to one), The Front Door is old style, gloomy, quiet, with Irish songs in the background. Its OK..somehow, we've managed to have good conversation in the pub comparing the noisy restaurant earlier.

Ok, got to sleep. I've to assist Mr Devitt's OT in Bons Secour mane. That's my 3rd OT this week...gosh! Penat den!

packing home

My 2-weekly pay is Euro 2300. HSE taxed me Euro 700. That left me with Euro1600. My credit card debt for June is Euro2600. I've only managed to pay Euro1600. That left me with another Euro1000 to pay. Thus, my carry on balance for July is Euro600. CIPUT!

Of course, that's only for June beb....AHAKS! Jangan panik beb!!!!

Thats the downside of cleaning your room...instead of focusing on 'check and clean-up', you end up calculating every little details on your payslips, reminiscing all the airline ticket tabs, analysing (or regretting) your exam transcript, read the Raya and B-day cards, shredded all your receipt and finally laughing at all the failed attempts on forging your consultant's signature... :p

So, after grueling 6 hours of cleaning and organising (while watching JDorama on my laptop), I've one CD rack, few CDs, lots of medical books, a file of notes and research abstract, few novels, utensils and girls' stuff, lots of clothes and coats, 11 pairs of shoes, an electric guitar + pedal + amp, a printer/scanner/photocopier, a radio, mini-speaker, travelling iron, study lamp, 2 fleece blanket, my LecoJoe the tiger, important documents and pots and pans to ship home.

Fuhhhh.....

The only thing I need next is the box to put them all in!!!

BSS course

"Wokey, suda siap.."

Haha..tak sabonyer aku nk jadik surgeon. Aku baru jek abiskan kursus kemahiran asas pembedahan semalam. Or dalam bahasa daerahnyer, Basic Surgical Skills Course. Ingat nak tulis blog semalam, tapi, pantang bukak internet, aku layan JDorama dulu.

Of note, sekarang ada crush baru...iaitu Mokomichi Hayami, Miura Haruma dan Tamayama Tetsuji. Sori beb, I live in DreamLand... Jum layan Zettai Kareshi

Brother Beat

and Koizora!!

It was a good experience. Halamak, ter-English plak. Aku belajar teknik menjahit dan buat reef knot. Buat end-end bowel anastomoses. Buat tendon repair. Repair artery. Buat Lap appendicectomy. Trimas buat kambing biri2 yang telah mengorbankan nyawa mereka buat masa depan kami.

Biler time assessment, aku takder masalah. Teknik aku perfect, bak kata cekgu. Dan keje aku tak leaking. Jahitan aku kemas. Siap cakap, kalau dia nak abdominal surgery, dia pegi kat aku. Jangan memain compliment ni wei...diorang ni retired surgeon ni. Tapi, aku ada big problem dalam handling instrument..cekgu cakap, awak nak bedah orang, bukan nak stab bunuh orang. Pegang scalpel, ngan forcep lek lok. Dalam hati, "Aku stab mulut ko kang". At first, diorang terkejut tengok aku..tanya Msian ke? Sebab nama aku letak Marisa Borhan..ingatkan Irish..halamak....best ah, bley jadik Irish citizen and live on disability benefit..ahaha.

Time kursus tu, ada sorang pacik Msian ensem. Ex-TCD..ahaha. Biler tengok, ada iras2 Tamayama siot. Hampir2 nak crush, tapi bila tengok Friendster dia, ada gaya2 vain sket. Malas btol la laki2 yang kontrol ensem and jaga ayu ni...Lain la kalau aku ni 'wanita', masalahnya aku ni 'ompuan'...perghhhhhh. Aku jugak belajar wat POP and backslab. Aku jugak telah dibackslabbed oleh pakcik itu. Dan aku menbackslabbed dia. Siap amik gambar bersama2, tapi Aini silap tekan, so gambar takde. Ada la moments of kecairan masa keje bersama2, ahaks. Tapi macam Plaster of Paris tu gak le..sekejap je aku cair..pastu keras balik!

Okay...itu saja. Mau layan angan2...

lonely

The journey yesterday was plainfully painful.

I sent mum and Azam back to London yesterday. Stupid me for getting early flight from Dublin to London, cause we ended up lepaking at Heathrow for 5 hours. More for them as my flight back to Dublin was at 7.

(It was one day round trip Dub-Lon for me...Cool!)

I went to check in for my flight around half 5. Had a cup of mocha and first row seat watching the match between Sweeden and Spain. My full bladder reminded me of my flight, that I need to get to the gate...which was at that time, merely 5 minutes before the gate closes. Lucky me. But I missed Spain's second goal...

The plane departed 30 minutes late from scheduled departure time. I was anxious cause I need to catch the 8.45pm bus to Galway. We landed around 8.30pm in Dublin airport. I had to run (yes run...macam cite Amazing Race) from the door to Immigration counter. And even though I ran pretty fast (come on, spare me..I was jetlagged, unfit and hungry), I still missed the bus. Yes, I saw the bus cruised in front of me. I would have run towards the bus if I want to, but it already went out to the highway. DAMN.

So, I end up using the Citylink bus going back to Galway. My supposedly 3 hours bus trip became 4 hours. Ces. And up from Athlone, I was the only passenger left on board.

These were my thoughts while on the bus:
1. How lonely it is to travel alone.
2. Imagine if I was travelling alone in a bus in Msia. Wouldnt it be scary? My thought went back to years ago when there was a lady engineer raped, sodomised, killed and dumped naked by a bus driver in Msia....SCARY!
3. Even scarier... imagine this. When I look outside the window, suddenly there's this eerie looking ghost flew next to the bus...ARGHHH!!!!
4. I have one day to rest before I start working. And I hope Mr Gilmore wouldnt be mad at me.
5. I need to settle my internship stuff. I.e, I need to get Mr Gilmore's signature.
6. I was thinking about my relationship...how bored it has become. Sorry to say, but communication hasnt been great since forever.
7. I should have buy those jersey in Dublin airport. Really cheap price, Euro35 comparing to outside market, Euro70!
8. I need to save money. For...... harga minyak dah naik! Crap, I've spent nearly Euro2000 for this family trip, it's time to pay back my credit card bill(s).

In Craughwell, we picked up one passenger. And my line of thought continues,

9. What happened if this guy is crazy? He might run amok and stab me and driver! Macam kat Msia gak...
10. It may be a good idea to jog back home tonight. After all, I need to get back in shape... WHAT SHAPE???

Arrived in Galway around 1.30am. Got a cab, turns out he's a muslim. So, instead of paying 6.90 for fare, he let me pay 6euro instead. Untung 90 sen.....

This time around, life is pretty lonely.
Happy Father's Day!!

Penyakit

I was assisting Mr Gilmore (as usual) in theatre that Thursday. And as usual...I enjoyed it.

Ehehe. He let me removed the K-wire and wrote the operation notes for few cases that day.

Anyway, that wasnt really what I want to talk about.

The main issue this time is "am I regretting my choice of profession"? AHAHA! TRIVIAL!! Again, not the main issue. I am basically out of idea.....

I was reading Tun Dr Mahathir's blog today (during my oncall hours...), and it's amazing how he managed to get 1 million viewers in a month. CAYA LA! Some even says that's a world record. For me? Some people just dont get enough of him. Well, I supposed we cant deny the fact that Malaysia has been greatly developed under his 'care'. He did have few glitches here and then, but nothing that can shake the country into political turmoil (emmm...well, DSAI is an exception).

On reading his blog, few things that he mentioned in his post are agreeable. The fact that we, Malaysian, are embarassed to use our national language (oppss...it's not like I'm writing in Malay..) in daily conversation. The fact that those who claimed others as racist are in fact racist themselves. How lobbying is merely a recommendation on one behalf OR an abuse of power. Hmmm..

I wonder who should I support. The people are now divided into 3. Either to aside Tun, DSAI or Pak Lah...

I requested a Renal consult the other day. Early in the conversation with Dr Brown (Renal Reg), I sincerely apologised as my consult (on behalf of Mr Shannon) is crap. And she totally agreed, and spelled out "SHIT" once I've finished my story. Well, we had a good laugh afterward though. And she actually saw that patient next day. I supposed, no matter how stupid a problem is, a patient is still a sick person. One day they're OK, next day, they're KO.

So, the government now is SHIT. But no matter how much we laughed and sneered at it, a weak/sick government is still detrimental to its people. Today, we maybe having fun criticising our own government, but in the future, if we're not going to do anything about it?

Kita akan menjadi seperti pesakit yang enggan/lewat ditemui doktor kerana penyakit kita tidak kritikal. Penyakit kita kemudiannya semakin teruk dan kita akhirnya mati.

Siapa susah? Kita jugakkkkkkkkkkkk.....

No hustle

Working is bad. Not working is worse.

And so, I'm in my 3rd day of a week hols. I spent the first 2 days organizing trip for my mum and bro. Both coming to UK in early June for 8 days, so instead of wandering around in UK, I'm hoping to bring them to Paris, Amsterdam and my lovely sweet home Ireland..

I do hope they enjoy the trip coz organizing is damn TIRING. Although few are impressed with me coz I managed to organize the trip in merely 2 days. Ada duit senang la. Main book and buy jek. Kalo time student takde duit...most of the time spent looking for the cheapest fare and accomodation.. Oh, zaman ituuuuu....

So, it'll be 3 days in London, 1 day in Paris, 1 day in Amsterdam and 3 days in Ireland. If it's only my brother coming, for sure we'll be going to more countries..but since my mum tagged along, tak dapek la. Penat orang tua tu karang. Even though we'll be spending nights at the hotel (instead of nights in airport or cheap hostels...oh, my sweet student years), I'm still worried about having her going through the long train and bus journey...

And today? I settled my Med Council Registration, bayar hutang kad kredit (which is more than my credit limit...huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa), usya buku at the campus' bookstore and lepak layan drama Jepun at Rumah Merah with Nuna.

Early morning tomorrow, I'll be flying to Brussels!!!! HUARGHHHHH!!!! I'll be making self titled "In Brussels". Oh, there goes my stupid lame joke.

Day spent with no hustle. BUSAN.

My usual attitude towards WORK has changed lately. I'm no more motivated towards work. I guess I need a change. Cutting my hair pretty short and dyed it red? Done that. (in again, my stupid lame words, I look like a watermelon..kah kah kah. STOP IT!)

What's next?