cinta sepet

I have no intention in posting anything actually. However, while I was reading about spherocytosis, SEPET suddenly came into mind.

Why?

Well, since Sepet came out at this time around last year, people suddenly wanted the same love story as Orched and Jason. Well, the similarity of being a Malay falling in love with a Chinese. More people, be it Chinese or Malay, are attracted to the opposite race. Including my dear best friend. Although they were an item before the movie came out, nevertheless, my friend insisted on naming her relationship with the chinese guy as Sepet 2.

What do I think about this?

Well, honestly, falling in love with people of different race in an old thing. I've been with an Iban guy before. And I was 14 at that time. (Oh yes, it's no Sepet lah. After all, I'm sino-chinese. If Sepet is based on the feature, rather than the race, I myself sepet enough). When my dad caught me going out with this guy, I was scolded, real hard. The first thing that came out from his mouth was, "APA? Kau nak jadik Kristian??" I was shocked. And scared. After all, being 14 means that, it's just a monkey love, it's nothing serious. But the way dad put it, love is nothing to play around with. Especially when it involves different religion. And I realised, until now, how true his words were.

Dad's a Melanau muslim. Mum's a chinese and she has converted to Islam. When they got married 25 years ago, it wasnt a smooth sailing journey for them. Mum especially, when she first broke the news about her being a muslim to her family. For them at that time, it was quite an insult. Marrying dad, a teacher, is not a big prospect. And mum was their brightest daughter. So, her new radio (the one she bought with her first paycheck) was smashed, she was forced out of the house, and she was cut off from the will. Fortunately, dad's family was OK with mum. It was only few years back, before grandpa Wong died, did her family accepted us. Both mum and dad are successful. Sis graduated. I went to Ireland to study medicine. Azam's a handsome young men. And Dudin is just so adorable.

So, why wouldn't dad let me be with a non?

Well, I guess, it's OK to be off married a non-muslim, if you're prepared to teach the person about Islam. If the reason is love and only love, definitely, the relationship will not last long. It might...but will Allah SWT accept it? Mum says, she converted because she was 'lost', not just blindly because of love for dad. She was lost, because, although she was a Buddhist, she wasnt taught about Buddhism. She was merely an atheist in disguise. When she met dad and he taught her about Islam, she then found the hidayah. If love is the only reason, then she would have 'break' when her brother smashed her radio, she said. After all, a radio is the THING 30 years ago. It's not cheap, I tell you.

So, if you're in relationship with a non, are you prepared to teach him/her everything about Islam? Is your knowledge in Islam adequate enough? If you're not, then I'll be my dad, asking you, "APA? Kau nak jadik Kristian?" The reason I say this is because, teaching Islam to a new person, who is not ready to accept it, is not an easy task. Especially if you're not well educated yourself. Who would convert who, in the end?

Well, love and religion is not a separate entity. You can still love and beloved, and practising the religion at the same time. But, religion is not like a monkey love. The one you can dump when you're done with it. Islam, for me, is the greatest gift Allah SWT ever give to me. He can take it away whenever he can. If He does, I guess that's the end of me. I'll be lost, the same way mum used to be. Now, if you can treat love, as a NECESSITY (i.e. you cant live without him, he's the one, he's my soulmate..bla..bla..bla), why dont you do the same with your religion?

So, Sepet-wise, if you cant teach the person you love about Islam, and instead, you're the one who's being diverted away from the path, then it's better to let go of the love. It's not worth a try. Really. Islam is too good of a price to be paid for a simple thing called love.

Yang pastinya, sekarang lebih ramai sanggup menggadai iman dari cinta. Padanlah, cinta lain bangsa tak mendapat tentangan yang hebat sangat seperti zaman mak bapak aku. Sebab, gaya orang Islam sekarang tak ada beza dengan gaya bangsa lain. Entah2, yang bertukar agama bukan mereka, tapi orang Islam sendiri. Sigh.

Demam + periksa = Demam periksa

Ini mungkin post terakhir..buat masa terdekat ini. 8 hari lagi, aku akan menjalani 5 MB final exam. Banyak giler exam. Jadi, untuk masa terdekat ini, aku nak concentrate dengan study.
2/5: MCQ Ophthalmology
4/5: Written Psychiatry
9/5: MCQ Gp
10/5: Clinical Ophthalmology
11/5: Written Paediatrics
16/5: Oral GP (borderline)
17/5: Oral Psychiatry
19/5: Oral Paediatrics (borderline)
23/5-24/5: Clinical & Oral ENT.
Aku harap dapat buat yang terbaik untuk exam Paeds dan GP, supaya aku tak perlu viva. Kalau untuk borderline dari 2nd honours ke 1st honours, aku tak kisah. Semua orang pun mau. Tapi, kalau viva dari fail ke pass, bukankah cuak?

Sekarang tengah demam periksa. Literally. Baru elok dari demam 2 minggu lalu, hari ini aku demam balik. Mungkin kerna stress melampau sebelum OSCE, makan minum tidur tak terjaga. Dah habis OSCE bukannya dapat rehat. Terpaksa pula berjaga siang malam for the next 8 days. Ditambah pula, housemate aku, Maedy, tengah demam teruk. Kesian dia. Mungkin berjangkit dari dia. Entahlah. Tahap immunity aku sekarang ini pun tengah lemah. Baru baik demam la katakan.

Alhamdullilah hari ini dapat habiskan banyak topik. Seawal 8.30am aku mula dengan cataract. Kemudian, baca pasal autism, antipsychotics, CBT, depression dan sekarang baru nak mula baca mania. Penat duduk satu hari mengadap buku. Dah naik muak. Makan minum pun kat study desk. Pergh! Semalam aku depressed pasal OSCE. Lepas ni aku pasti manic pulak. Dua tiga hari nanti, aku depressed balik. Macam mana aku tau? Hehe...aku tau lah. Aku kan belajar Psych...


Dah penat study, aku rehat sekejap. Tangkap gambar meja aku yang berterabur, dan pada masa yang sama menaip post ini. Sekarang ni, mudah nak berjaga, sebab bukan sahaja kena berjaga untuk study, tapi kena berjaga menanti Subuh, yang sekarang ni waktu masuknya pukul 3.50am. Kalau tidur lepas Isyak (sekarang Isyak masuk pukul 11.05pm), besar kemungkinan, akan tertinggal Subuh. Contohnya aku sendiri..ahaha..Astaghfirullah!

Yang pasti, musim2 exam ni..pasti ada yang homesick. Mata naik2 lebam sebab berjaga siang malam habiskan revision. Bilik tunggang langgang dengan notes, textbooks...etc. Mood tak betul sebab bengang menghadap buku. Ada yang mengagak-agak soalan apa yang akan keluar untuk exam. Ada yang cuak sebab tak tau boleh habis study atau tidak untuk exam (termasuk aku). Ada yang dah mula rajin solat sunat hajat, mintak dipermudahkan menjawab soalan time exam nanti (dan mintak lulus periksa supaya September ini boleh naik final year..Amin). Ada yang tertekan, dan ada jugak yang relaks. Ada jugak yang duduk satu rumah, tapi berhari2 tak nampak muka housemate sebab berkurung dalam bilik, belajar. Haha. Aku berkurung ni, sebab sakit. Tak nak jangkitkan dengan housemates lain. :p

Okaylah. Nak sambung study. Doakan supaya aku berjaya, okay!

Untuk teman2 5MB yang lain "Everything will be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end"

Oleh itu, buat yang termampu, dan serahkan selebihnya pada Dia :)

I want my Mama...

Definitely....THE WORST DAY EVER!!

After the OSCE, I felt quite confident about my performance. Then again, when I thought about it, I'd realised how many mistakes I've done, the things I forgot to do (and it's all simple little thing!!!) ..and the stupid, incomprehensible thing I said during consultation...ARGHHH!!! I never felt so bad after an exam..but today, I felt so s%*t, that I cant even stop consolling myself that this is what God has intended for me....sigh...

Then again, I'm still trying so hard to tell myself...no matter what had happened, no matter how suck I did for the OSCE..I still have God by my side. And I pray that God will help me to go through this. Betapa aku seorang insan yang paling rugi sekali, kalau Allah SWT tak tolong aku...

Jadi, terus saja aku tiba di rumah, cepat-cepat aku telefon rumah di Kuching. Mengadu dengan Mama. Mama semacam biasa, semua yang sudah berlalu biarkan saja, dan tumpukan perhatian untuk exam yang akan datang. Papa pun macam tu jugak. Siap selepas itu, dia SMS aku "Banyakkan berdoa. Papa sentiasa berdoa semoga anak-anak papa berjaya dalam pelajaran dan papa tau anak papa dapat mengatasinya."

Terus mengalir air mata. Untung ada mak bapak yang tak menekan aku. Ahhhh..betapa aku ingin balik Malaysia sekarang jugak...to be in the comfort of my parents...sigh..

Well, after 15 minutes call, listening to my mum's comforting words and dad's consolling jokes..I felt good about myself again. I may have not done my best, but I've done what I'm supposed to do. I guess once I hit the correct button, that's good enough..than not being able to say, or to elicit, or to do what they asked us to do in the nick of time...InsyaAllah, I'll pass. If I dont, then God has a better plan for me..

Everyone has their own ups and downs..The toughest person among all the people is the one who smile when they're down and move on with their life...

smile

Cakap sorang-sorang

Hari ni gila sket. Cakap sorang2.

Sampai dah kering air liur practice macam mana explain diabetes, seizure, vaccination semua tu. Teddybear aku pun dah kontang kapuk sebab asyik2 jadi mangsa untuk aku practice cardiac compression. Try buat hip check tak boleh pulak, sebab kaki teddybear aku kontot. Kering air liur gak sebab malas nak turun pi dapur, dan sebab satu hari melalak lagu OST ichi ritoru no namida..
Pagi2 Azam dah SMS aku, dari cara tulisnya, macam buat tak bagus sangat for exam...aiseh..
Tambah gila aku nih.

it spells BLOG!

To all blogger/blog freak/blog lover (haha..all the same) out there...buy this T!! At first it look like "What does it says?!" But if you really concentrate, it spells out BLOG..cool huh? Try doing it with your own fingers!! Ciao!!




You can find it at www.threadless.com ...and there's lots of other T's as well...

Try, try, try!

Finally, some rest!

Alhamdullilah, hari ini cuti. Semalam, aku betul2 penat nak mampus. Bukan sahaja aku kene hantar 5 case commentaries semalam, semalam juga hari di mana aku kene present case. Penat siot. Aku tidur jam 4.30am dan bangun 3 jam selepas itu. Kerna bukan sahaja aku terlalu risau tentang commentaries dan presentation...tapi, kerna tak siap dan tak kaji berabis tentang discussion untuk case presentation tu. Sudahlah Dr Geoghegan jenis yang suka bertanya. Malulah kalau tak pandai jawab case sendiri kan?

Susah jadi budak U. Susah lagi jadi budak U yang study medic.

So, aku ada 4 hari sampai hari Isnin (bank holiday) untuk study OSCE aku jumaat depan. OSCE Paeds dan GP. Paeds okay sikit, sebab sekarang pun tengah attachment paeds. GP? Aku tak yakin sangat kerna dah lupa sikit2. Ahaha. InsyaAllah boleh. Masalahnya, aku takut nanti, time OSCE, suara tak keluar. Biasa lah. Sampai Dr Geoghegan dan Prof Loftus pun dah berapa kali suruh aku kuatkan suara time discussion. Hek eleh. Dah kuat la tu. Kuat sangat nanti, suara rockers pulak. Tak ayu la macam tu. Ahahaha. Prof cakap, keyakinan ada, jawapan betul..cuma tinggal suara tu macam burung pipit jek. Ahahaha. Funny la Prof ni.

Apabila fikir pasal OSCE, susah hati pun ada. Markah OSCE paeds 60 out of 200. So, equivalent to 30%. Kalau buat elok2, tak usah risau sangat untuk written paper dan slides. Allocated marks for written paper is 30% while for slides is about 10%. Untuk case commentaries, 15%. Berdasarkan hasil commentaries aku, aku yakin boleh dapat at least 8-10%. InsyaAllah. Kalau lebih pun, bagus jugak. 10% untuk kedatangan yang mantap setiap hari jam 9.30am selama 7 minggu ini, sudah dalam tangan. Tinggal lagi markah assessment sebanyak 5% oleh consultant dari away hospital. Harap-harap Dr Seamus kasi markah yang baik. Boleh kot. Dia baik jek...eh iye ke?

Irony kan. Kita belajar bukan nak jadi yang terbaik dalam bidang masing2. Tapi, cuma untuk make sure yang kita dapat capai certain target, so that kita dapat honours/pass dan seterusnya boleh proceed to the next stage.

Sebab itu, aku rasa medicine memang mencabar. Kalau setakat nak grade student berdasarkan written exam, MCQ or reports/thesis, memang senang. Cuma duduk dan hadap buku untuk 24 jam setiap hari, pasti dapat good results. Copy paste from internet dan claim it's our own work, senang jek. Tapi medicine lain. OSCE, bukan sahaja nak tengok berapa banyak ilmu kita tau, nak juga assess our confidence level in managing a patient, nak tengok our communication skills, as well as our examination skills. Kene explain, examine and at the same time being empathy. Ingat senang?

Try explaining to a mother what's vaccination is. Try explaining to a woman why she need a mammography. Try explaining the whole procedure of colonoscopy to an old man. Try reassure a lady that having UTI doesnt mean she has STD. Try asking a man who has smoke for 30 years to quit smoking. Try telling a 9 year old kid how to use insulin injection. Try telling a woman that the baby she carries in her womb has congenital abnormalities. Try explaining to a man that one of the side effect of his medication is erectile dysfunction. Try examine the prostate, breast and the cervix. Try telling a mother that her son's deaf. Try telling a teenage girl that she has juvenile chronic arthritis and how it affect her life. Try telling a lady she has malignant carcinoma and the prognosis is poor. Try, try, try!

It's not as easy as you think. Try explaining and being empathy at the same time. If a doctor tells you, "Hey, you have only 3 months to live.", how does it feel?

Or if a doctor tells you, "Sorry Mary. We have try everything we can, but the disease spread so quick that there's nothing we can do to stop it. Prognosis is poor, you have about 3 months to live. However, we will always be here to help you whenever you need us..."

See? It's not some script you can just memorize, but it has to come from the heart so that the patient feels valued.

Aku respek la sapa2 yang ambil medicine. Memang orang selalu cakap, budak medic tak ada life. Duduk menghadap buku 24/7. Kita belajar manusia. Kalau manusia tu macam kereta, enjin rosak, kita tau macam mana repair, spare part mana nak pakai. Kerna manusia adalah manusia, putus kaki tangan mana nak cari spare part? Lumpuh satu badan macam mana nak repair?

Kisah orang berjalan

Isnin, Selasa, Rabu dan Khamis,
menghamba diri,
mengadap patah-patah kata,
dari mulut berbau kopi satu euro,
dan yang terjembul,
dari medan kertas usang ini.
* Sambil perut berbunyi geram
dan kepala bernada lemah.

Jumaat?
Rimas,
akan masa yang merangkak perlahan,
mengintai jarum jam berdeting malas,
menanti penuh resah,
kehadirannya,
makhluk bernama Sabtu dan Ahad.

Sabtu dan Ahad,
keluar mengganas,
persis insan lepas tawanan,
dahaga udara manis yang dulunya hamis.
keluar berjalan..keluar....
Tapi, untuk apa?
Cari apa kau?