i need something

I'm so crap.

I realised that I'm 24, and I'm crap.

I have achieved nothing. I'm just a plain medical intern. No great history. No trademarks. No experience that actually WOW anybody. No achievement that worth praising. I dont know how to play any music instrument. And it's too late (and too bothersome) to start now. My grammar is crap and my imagination is bad. I cant write a novel or book or even a diary. I'm not good looking. And I'm just a toilet-artist. I dont have cool new gadget, or even any modern tech knowledge. I cant even work around Photoshop. Even as a doctor, I feel that I'm just like a slave. I dont have a KEWL social life.

Hmm.

All around me, people actually achieved something. A PhD in Music. A trip all over the world. Meeting famous people. Won a writing competition. Becoming a top-paid model. Performed central venous line. Got married and have children. Own a cool photoblog. Go to concerts. Performing on stage.

Envious.

Me? Owh... nothing. I'm so down to earth. 6 feet under.....

I'm 24

Hi. I'm Marisa. And I'm 24 today.

I told Breeda, one of St Jose's nurse. And is she LOUD??!! She announced it to the other nurses...to my team as well!

Terkejut SHO and Reg aku. Nyehehe. Bos aku ucapkan selamat hari jadi kat aku. Frankly speaking, that was our longest conversation. Tanya aku dok mana...balik malam2 pakai apa...bla bla. Takpe bos, aku janji aku balik 12pm sharp ini malam. NO MORE OT!

Oh, Jumaat ni ada team dinner. Takut plak, coz bos gurau2 nak blanja aku 'minum'. Haha. Siap suruh aku wat jahat banyak2 pastu baru best taubat. Pandai la ko bos. Bos aku 39. Colin 31. Carol 25. Hmm. Bos aku cakap, masa dia 24 pun, dia intern lagi. Kewl.

Oh ye, aku oncall ini malam. Sabtu ni tak sabar aku nak blah Galway. Seb baik Oisin sudi tukar oncall ngan aku. Kalo tak, penat gak kene oncall dua hari next week.

Ok la. Selamat hari jadi to me. Biasa for the last 5 years, time macam ni mesti aku tengah lepak ngan housemate depan TV after dinner, sambil menerima hadiah hari jadi (hint hint). Tahun ni, dok kat ward station tengok blood result or letak cannula. Dinner pun tak lagi. Nampak sangat dah tua......

save the kids

Tak faham betul!

I'm so mad! Geram sangat2!!!!

Apa dah jadik kat Msia? Why are they behaving like animal?? What is going through this people head??

It's no longer safe to live in Msia. Luckily I was born 23 years ago, or else, as a girl, I would be very scared to live in Msia. Either to be left alone in my own house or even to go out to the kedai runcit. Man are behaving like animals. They see kids as delicacies. These man raped, sodomised then killed these kids. Apa nilai nyawa? Mana pergi sifat kemanusiaan?? What do they see in these kids, that they even have such disturbing desire??? Tak kesian ke dengan parents yang penat2 belai, didik dan jaga anak2 diorang tu? Bukan seorang dua. More and more cases in the news lately. The more the government warned about it, the more actions that had been taken to prevent it, THE MORE IT HAPPENED!

Ini la yang jadik bila tak ada panduan agama. Bila gila bergelumang dengan dadah, arak dan seks bebas. Gila. Gila. Buat malu bangsa dan agama. Paling mengejutkan, in USA and UK, there's paedophilia-like RPG video games! Where gamers can actually stripped and do whatever mental-crazy-psycho thing they want with the 'children' in the games!!! SICK!!!

For me, these people should be hanged to death. Hidup tak guna, menyusahkan masyarakat. Entah2 kalo ada anak, anak sendiri pun dia salahguna pakai!!!

ARGHH!!!

Astaghfirullah....

29-4

I love this week.

Monday is bank holiday.
I've no oncall during weekdays.
Dr Clarke's away.
Dr Sham's covering.
I lost another kilo.
Wednesday was pay day.
Colin made a prank joke on me...but he's cute when he laughed/smiled, so it's OK.
Me and Kevin are oncall this weekend. He's big fun!
Got text from Pey Seei..she's coming to Ballinasloe next weekend!
I called Izah. MISS YOU!
Me and Rafli got back together :)

future

I think I need to start thinking about my future.

I need to know what I want to specialize in. I need to know (first) what I like. Which is not easy. Cause somehow, medicine isn't as simple as just being a doctor. You are either a heart doctor, mental doctor, kidney doctor, family doctor... (layman's language larrr)

Maybe, gastro would be nice. But there's a hell lot of gastro specialist in Msia. Cardio, resp, and geriatric is definitely a no-no. Neither are dermato, infectious disease (if there is any!), onco or haemato! Surgery? 50-50. So, I'm down to either gastroenterology or nephrology. Or just general medicine...ahahaha!

And I have to think about having my own family...hmmm.....cause nowadays, I cant stop smiling looking at other people kids! ARGH!!! Well...better than looking at other women's husband..eheheh!

Peace

hero

I saved my patient's life.

Around 1830 yesterday, macam biasa, I checked all the blood results. One of my patient's troponin came back as 0.6!!! (The first troponin was negative) DAMN! Cepat2 aku pegi jumpa patient tu, and asked him does he has any chest pain etc etc. Dia basically OK jek, except for dull, mild pain over the epigastrium area. He had USS Abd few hours before and it was fine. So, I did an ECG on him. Guess what?! Acute changes -> ST elevation 2mm in lead II, III and AvF. As well as TWI in lead III.

MI beb!!!!

So I spoke to the MROC (the nice and soft spoken Dr Khalid), and he asked me to start the patient on aspirin, clopidogrel, enoxaparin and metoprolol. And try to get a telemetry on that patient.

When he reviewed the ECG (2 hours later), he came to the ICU to see me, and with a big sigh he said, "Marisa, that ECG showed acute changes. Definitely MI. Will you repeat another ECG for me, because I may want to thrombolyse him". Okie doc!!

So, I did another ECG on the patient. Same ST elevation in inferior leads, no changes except I think the TWI has resolved. So, that patient (which is Dr Clarke's patient), transferred to ICU last night and was thrombolysed. Hooray!

Rasa cam hero penyelamat dunia seantero plak :)

carcinoma

Terasa malas nak keje.

Suprisingly, this week on take, we've lots of patients with newly diagnosed carcinoma. 62 years old lady, came in with obstructive jaundice with mass in portal/gall bladder fossa. Diagnose? Query pancreatic head ca. Need laparoscopy and biopsy. Coincidently, next bed to her, is another lady, already diagnosed of pancreatic ca and is currently on chemo. Good news though, as her repeat CT abd showed shrinkage of pancreatic mass and no sign if mets. Green light for resection.

Another patient, 72 years old lady, came in with pleuritic chest pain. CTPA showed pulmonary embolism and is currently treated for it. At the same time, she has mutliple vertebral fracture and on examination (missed by the SHO oncall) by my Reg, revealed a left breast lump, tethering to skin. Require referral to UCHG under Prof Kerin for breast ca assessment.

One gentleman, has tracheal deviation and hoarseness on examination. Highly suspicious of thyroid ca. CT thorax reported massive retrosternal goitre, slightly obstructing the oesophagus. Hmm...

Point I'm making is....THE IMPORTANCE OF GOOD CLINICAL EXAMINATION.

Peace.

Ciao